Why am I doing this to myself? Well, I don’t want to die, first of all. I don’t want to be fat my whole life, and I’d like to be able to coach Max’s tee-ball team in a couple years without having to catch my breath after every pitch. Yeah, that’s it. But why does it have to hurt so much?
Ass, I command thee to stop hurting!! Thighs, stop being like that! You’re fine, now just stop screaming at me. I took some Exedrin, now shut up and let it work.