Terror Alert Status: Resigned

I love my wife. I love my son. I get stressed out when they are threatened. I feel more stress when they feel threatened and there’s nothing I can do about it.

Pronunciation: ‘ter-0-“i-zm

Function: noun

Date: 1795

: the systematic use of terror especially as a means of coercion

Pronunciation: ‘ter-or

Function: noun

Date: 14th century

1 : a state of intense fear

2 a : one that inspires fear : SCOURGE b : a frightening aspect <the terrors of invasion> c : a cause of anxiety : WORRY d : an appalling person or thing; especially : BRAT


4 : violence (as bombing) committed by groups in order to intimidate a population or government into granting their demands <insurrection and revolutionary terror>

Yeah, that pretty much sums it up. Ashcroft, Ridge and Fleischer all say “We didn’t do this to frighten you or create a panic.” Well, bang up job guys. Whether you meant to or not, you have. You’ve done a wonderful job of scaring everyone shitless. I personally am resigned to the fact that I have no control over the world and if something horrible is going to happen, there’s very little I can do to stop it. My wife is frightened and feels threatened, and that spoils my resignation.

What’s my point? I have no idea. I haven’t been sleeping well, and I’m extremely grumpy, although I’ve tried to keep my happy face on. My pink eye is gone, but now I’m really feeling my sinus infection and on top of that I think I’ve caught Jen’s cold. I’m tired but can’t sleep, angry but not at something I can confront, and at my wit’s end. So, what do I do? Running to the window and screaming won’t help. Buying a plot of land in the middle of nowhere and becoming one of those wacky people from The Secret Rulers of the World. Covering my windows with plastic and duct tape and sealing a room in my house seems like a cruel trick to play on a public willing to do anything to give themselves any control over the situation and believe that if they do this, nothing will happen to them. I don’t buy it. Am I too cynical? I’m willing to go along, because it seems to make Jen feel better… I wish I believed. I want to. I really do. Like everything else, religion, fairy tales, home medical cures for cancer, I want to believe but I just don’t. I can’t.

Dammit, this is a downer (so much so that I’m slipping in my no real swearing in the blog). Maybe something happy will happen tomorrow. Yeah, I don’t believe that either.


I feel guilty. I just unsubscribed from the YellowDog Linux Listserv. I know! What’s wrong with me? The group is extremely active, helpful and all around cool. I just don’t use YellowDog anymore, and haven’t for quite a while. They’re a great group for general linux tips and will even help (without flaming) when folks ask OS X questions. Why did I leave? I just felt it was time to move on. I loved YellowDog when I used it, but now that I don’t have a machine that can run it, and since I’ve fallen in love with OS X, I’ve actually lost my desire to run it. I run RedHat 8 on one of my office PC’s, and well, that’s linux enough for me. Not because it’s better than YellowDog, just because it runs on the platform I have to run it on. I also just haven’t been reading it lately. It comes in, I’ll look at the titles, and for the past month or so, I just haven’t read it.

I feel so guilty.