I know how you feel at least, having gone through the sam thing when I got married to Monica, her family having just lost her older brother, Troy, the summer before. The balance I had to strike was to feel empathy without being dragged down by it. It sounds self-absorbed, I know. But really, you can’t be of any help or support if you’re so bogged down in the empathized pain. Like mkg said, let them do whatever they need to do, feel for them and just be there, whole and not falling apart, cause then they feel bad for making you feel bad, and you feel bad for adding to their bad feeling, and the whole thing is an ugly downward spiral. I guess, be there, but don’t expect yourself to fully go there.