I’ve been less than normal the past few weeks. My eating schedule is out of whack. My sleeping schedule is strange and incoherent. My bowels sit at the back of the class throwing spitballs in defiance of my authority over my body. I’m tired when I should be awake and awake when I should be sleeping. It’s Spring, when all the evil little flora that launch themselves out of the ground and spew their spunk into the air. I am allergic to flora spunk. It makes me miserable. It makes me want to move back to Arizona, where all the plants are Baptist and wouldn’t think about spewing in public where people might talk. My nose is full, my head is heavy and my eyes itch. Damn you, botany!!

The other thing? The temperature and humidity levels keep changing. That plays havok with the same systems the damn plants like to torment. One day it’s 75 degrees with 30% humidity. The next, 40 degrees and 80. The next, 50 degrees and 20. It makes me ache and my face go into convulsions.

I feel like one of those people I read about in books as a kid, whose poor health forced the family to pick up and move out west where the climate was gentler on their fragile constitution. Thankfully we have drugs now that make living out here in the land of mold, spores and plant spunk at least tolerable, but it sure takes some adjusting to in these first flora-hormone laden days of spring.

By Kevin Lawver

Web developer, Software Engineer @ Gusto, Co-founder @ TechSAV, husband, father, aspiring social capitalist and troublemaker.