The Great Gastree

When oh when will the burping end? I can’t stand it anymore. It’s insane. I don’t eat as much anymore, and I drink a lot of water. I can burp like the kids on South Park and my little brother, Tim (hi, Tim!). I can do the alphabet and rustle birds from their perches. I can rattle windows and break champagne glasses. I can do the first half of the Gettysburg Address. My stomach hurts. If I weren’t laughing so hard at my own effervescence I would be doubled over in pain. This definitely goes on the list of things to address with the doctor on Monday (boy, i hope my appointment’s on Monday and not tomorrow… should have called). In other news, I can almost guarantee I’ll be at 276 tomorrow, which means I get to use my groovy employee discount and save almost sixty bucks on my new color Sidekick.

By Kevin Lawver

Web developer, Software Engineer @ Gusto, Co-founder @ TechSAV, husband, father, aspiring social capitalist and troublemaker.