I came to a little self-realization last week that’s been troubling me. I always thought I was outgoing. I realized this week, that there’s a huge difference between being friendly and being outgoing. I went to this dessert party at a friend’s house a couple weeks ago where there were a bunch of people I didn’t know. I ended up playing with all the little kids (a gaggle of three and four year-olds in a basement filled with little musical instruments is a joy – you have never heard a more exuberant version of Old McDonald in your life), instead of socializing with the adults.
That got me thinking, and I started reviewing my life in my head. I’m the life of the party, where the party is fairly small and I know everyone, or I hit it off with folks. In larger parties, or ones where I don’t know everyone, I withdraw and usually end up doing what I did the other night, play with the kids.
I did plays all through high school, but I never played to the audience. I always played for the people in the cast, because we were relatively small compared to the audience. I think the only reason I did it what that you can’t really see the audience while you’re on stage. If I could have, I’m not sure I would have been able to.
Why all this silly introspection? I have a fairly new calling at church (Ok, for all the non-Mormons out there – we’re an all-volunteer outfit pretty much, no one in the congregation gets paid for their service, and the Bishop asks or “calls” people to “callings” or jobs). I’m the new Executive Secretary, which means I have to talk to folks I don’t know all the time, because I keep the Bishop’s schedule (I am Kevin “Boy Friday” Lawver). When I accepted the calling, I had no idea it would be so hard for me to call people the Bishop wants to see, or get phone calls from folks I don’t know.
It’s terrifying, and I don’t know why. I am doing it though, which I’m pretty proud of. The friendly me comes out, and I don’t think I’ve run away from anyone yet. Oh well, this navel-gazing has gone on long enough.
Oh yeah, if you didn’t know, Max turns four next week. I can’t believe he’s already a little boy!