Palestine and Israel – A Solution

The following is a drug-induced attempt at humor:

You can thank Dawson’s latest treatise on Israel and Palestine for this piece of stupidity. I was thinking the other day about Israel and Palestine and how part of the problem is the proximity of the two parties and how all they really need is some space. Israel’s well-established, and has a working government. The Palestinains don’t. They’ve got resident crazy bastard Yassar Arafat and a bunch of cronies. The one guy who looked reasonable and actually agreed to wear a suit and tie just resigned.

I don’t think Palestine and Israel will ever live together in anything resembling peace. So, I’ve come up with a plan. Let’s give the Palestinians half of Montana. I don’t even care which half – we’ll let Montana vote on it. It’s more land than the Palestinians could ever hope to milk form the Israeli’s, and they’ll already have streets, a highway system and McDonalds on which to build their own economy.

I think George W. Bush could be seen as the greatest peacemaker of all time if he pulled this one off (although the Republicans would never win Montana again, but really, they have what, 1 electoral vote?). He’d be seen as a hero in the Middle East because now Egypt, Syria, Lebanon and Iran don’t have to hear the Palestinians whine about Sharon anymore, or have Arafat over for dinner.

All this problem needs is some creative thought. I think GW should through in cowboy hats for everyone too – and a pony – and maybe some brush for the new Palestinian Prime Minister to clear. I hear it makes you look presidential.

Categorized as politics

By Kevin Lawver

Web developer, Software Engineer @ Gusto, Co-founder @ TechSAV, husband, father, aspiring social capitalist and troublemaker.


  1. Dawson says:

    No, no, no. Not Montana!
    That’s God’s country, man! Giving it to those morons is pearls before swine-haters.
    If Bush is really serious about solving the problem using your, uh, unique solution, the state with the most room to spare is…
    I read somewhere that there’s enough land in Texas to give every person in Texas one square mile of land.
    40 Acres and a mule, indeed.

  2. Kevin says:

    Hey, they already say that Texas is like “a whole other country” anyway – now part of it could actually be another country! You’re a friggin’ genius.

  3. Dawson says:

    Yes, I am a genius.

    However, the plan would fail, as all middle-eastern peace plans would. The reason this time is the high percentage of shotgun-equipped pickup trucks in that state, and the natrual tendancy of the normal Texan to not particularly care for “towel-headed a-rabs.”

    So we have to find a state that no one really wants and use that for the project.

    I say we cut Florida in half around Orlando/Tampa. Anything south of that we give to the Cubans and the Palestinians. As both ethnic groups are used to being the pawns of governments that don’t care about them, they’ll have a natural affinity. Also, the climate is a little closer match. We’ll call it Cubanistine.

  4. Annie says:

    Making friends all ’round, ain’t ya? I’m waiting for the barrage of Texans, Floridans (Huh?) and Montana-ins (that can’t be right!) flame yer arse, Daws.
    Look, just give the Cubanistines ALL of Montana.
    Be a nice change of weather for them.

  5. Connie says:

    How about Mississippi? No one in the good ol’ US of A really likes that place. Maybe they could ride the ‘gators or something.

  6. Auntie M says:

    I say Canada.

  7. Psycho Dad says:

    I say give them one or two of the Virgin Islands. Not much out there and too far to swim to the main land. They can have their own little piece of the world, and leave the rest of us alone.

  8. Momma says:

    Good plan, but leave Texas alone. My plan is to give the whole area to a corporation and turn it into a ‘Holy Land Theme Park’ deal. You can buy a ticket, visit all the shrines and sites you want but at the end of the day, you leave. It could be a money maker for the UN. Everyone can visit but no one can claim ownership. A religiously-oriented no man’s land.

  9. Kevin says:

    I had no idea my mother was such a proponent of privitization. I’m shocked.

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