Scandal Suffixes

Why do we still add “gate” to the end of our scandals still? Watergate happened thirty years ago, and it’s about time we let the ritzy apartment complex on the Potomac its name back, and remove the stigma from “gate” so it can get back to meaning something again. “Wilsongate” doesn’t even sound cool. It sounds like a really horribly named, faceles suburb of Akron. Now, I know the Media will never go for this. They love their cute little names for complex conspiracies and scandals. I’ve come up with a couple suggestions for possible replacements and usage examples:

  • “ron” – a la “Enron”: It sounds so much more tech geeky when you add “ron” to the end of words it doesn’t belong on.

    • Wilson-ron

    • File-ron

    • Travel-ron

    • Energy-ron (kind of redundant, don’t you think?)

    • Monica-ron

  • “iburton” – a la “Halliburton”: It adds a certain officiality to a name, doesn’t it?

    • Wilson-iburton

    • File-iburton

    • Travel-iburton

    • Energy-iburton (again, kinda redundant)

    • Monica-burton (shortened for ease of pronunciation)

I really think this’ll catch on. It’s a new century, it’s time for new scandal suffixes! Bring on Bush-ron and Cheney-burton!!

Categorized as politics

By Kevin Lawver

Web developer, Software Engineer @ Gusto, Co-founder @ TechSAV, husband, father, aspiring social capitalist and troublemaker.