Vicious Cycle

First, there was the contamination. Now, it’s an “infection”. I have a fever, I have puss. I have new antibiotics, cultures at the lab, incredible pain that’s making me watch the clock (two hours until I get to take more pain killers), and a slowly creeping disdain for my right foot.\
I got to watch Dr. Wilson cut into my foot today, which once I got over the weirdness of seeing it happening and watching the blood come pouring out, it was kind of cool. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be, although the numbing stuff they put on it didn’t quite do the job.\
It just feels like moving backwards. I was progressing. The steri-strips were off, and I thought things were healing. And then, the puss, the red, the white… it all came back, and here I am again with an open wound (no staples this time, it’s just sitting there under 8 layers of gauze – oozing).\
I’m ready to walk again. I’m actually longing for the stupid black boot. My foot is still too swollen to fit in the boot, which means no walking. It means more crutching (my biceps and abs are getting a workout – the one positive I can think of). It means more helplessness. It means creating ways to carry things from the fridge to the couch (under the chin, in the pockets, held in a grocery bags, etc).\
I’m sorry, there are good things happening. I think. The family’s having a great time in Hawaii (look forward to pictures… be grateful I don’t have a camera in the house). Yeah, that’s about it.\
update – Feeling blood seeping out of my foot feels really really gross.