Edinburgh Day One

It’s cold and rainy in Edinburgh and the hotel wi-fi sucks. I think I’m almost done with my presentations for this week and I’ve already registered for the conference and hit a grocery store (disappointingly, they didn’t have Smarties, Kinder Eggs or orange Lilt). I watched Top Gear on real TV and caught the UK version of Big Brother. Hats off to you, Channel 4. You guys really know how to pick a cast! I’ve been a fan of the US version since it launched a few years ago, just because it’s really funny how stupid people get when they’re cooped up with strangers. This version? They’re not only stupid to begin with, they’re all pretty much insane in some way (and it doesn’t help that the UK version is much crueler than the US one). You’ve got:

• Richard, the self-labeled “sexual terrorist” who dresses like a cross-dressing nazi youth cowboy (yeah, really)
• Shabaz, the “Paki-poof” (he said it himself), who reminds me of Mario, this guy I used to work with in Tucson who was the first person to make me realize that being gay’s not a “choice”. Mario couldn’t be anything else if he tried, and neither could Shabaz.
• Pete, the rock-n-roll Tourette’s guy who says “Wank!” at the top of his lungs every couple minutes.
• Bonnie, who can’t even say her own name.
• Lisa, the Chinese girl from Manchester who has the most AMAZING accent you’ve ever heard.
• Glynn, “the sexiest lifeguard in North Wales”, who went into the house in a big red swimsuit, is actually really scrawny and kind of gawky, and who has the second most amazing accent you’ve ever heard.
• and little Nikki, who’s life ambition is to marry a professional footballer.\
  There are others, but they’re the pretty filler to keep people looking for nudity all summer.\
  I’m only a little jet-lagged. I got a solid 8 hours last night, and am only slightly in need of a nap right now. Time for a Dr. Pepper! Oh, and cobblestones? I could really live without them. They’re kind of daunting to a guy who’s paranoid about twisting an ankle.