Are you fat?

I am. And I’ve come up with a list of ways to tell if you are too.

1. Can you use your gut as a portable table?

2. You’d buy a sports car, but the thought of getting in and out of it deters you.

3. Lose twenty pounds and no one even notices.

4. You know what dunlap’s disease is.

5. Your belt is industrial grade, and not for decoration.

6. You’re six feet tall and have been turned away from a roller coaster.

7. You’ve ever said, “Bacon’s my middle name.”