Category: funny

  • The Single Greatest Post Ever

    Jon has a peculiar writing style. I assure you, it shows up in his speech too, which is why I love him, and want to have his alien wrestler love babies. His post about the stuff he got from Japan is the single greatest post on any blog, ever.

    And I’m all packed except for socks and toiletries. You’d think I’d have done socks first, considering I have so many of them. I have plane tickets, a passport, clean underpants, shirts, pants, and a sinus infection. Oh, and there’s four inches of snow on the ground and more expected. Let’s travel!

    On that note, I never thought I’d say, “I’m flying to Dublin to escape the weather,” but I did.

  • Creepy Animals I’m Glad Don’t Exist

    If you’re into crazy animals that don’t exist, but are extremely well imagined, you should hightail it over to Uncommon Creatures. It’s fantasmagorical!!

    Whatever the inverse of insomnia is, I have it. I can get to sleep just fine, but I’m waking up too early. It’s been happening for about a week, and is really starting to bug me. My brain says I’m still tired and want to go back to sleep, but the body says to forget that and get up. I don’t get it. Since it’s Friday, I may go crazy and try some NyQuil. I need to get more sleep… more sleep… more sleep….

  • Eddie Izzard at Warner Theater

    The Eddie Izzard show at the Warner Theater last night was perfect. I was a little thrown off when he came out with boobs. I was fully expecting drag, but I’ve only ever seen Dressed to Kill, and he definitely had no boobs during that show. Makeup? Yes. Boobs? No. That took a good ten minutes to get used to. Oh wait… let’s go back to how the perfect night started out perfectly.

    After our horrible Sigur Ros Experience driving into the city, I decided that this time we’d try the Metro. The show started at 8, and we were supposed to meet friends for dinner in the city at 6:30. I left work at 4. We left the house at 4:30 (I know what you’re thinking – TRAFFIC! just wait…), made it down 28 to the toll road to 7 to Gallows road to the Dunn Loring Metro stop in 45 minutes, which left us 45 minutes to get on a train, get to Metro Center, get off and walk half a block to the theater… which we did, and this is all true. We got to the restaurant 15 minutes early and had a wonderful time waiting for our friends, who never showed up. That was the only unperfect thing about the evening. They got stuck in traffic – and we didn’t.

    We had dinner at Chef Geoff’s, and it was great. They didn’t seem to mind us sitting there for forty-five minutes having only ordered a virgin bloody mary. We finally gave up on them, and ordered and had a great meal. The food there is great and the wait staff is professional and friendly without being cloying or insincere. It’s right across the street from the Warner, so if you ever go to a show there, definitely check them out.

    We sat down ten minutes before the show, just enough time to remove coats, get comfy, and talk for a couple minutes before the show started… and here comes the show.

    If you’ve never seen an Eddie Izzard show before, they’re a little crazy. Here’s only a part of the topics he covered in a little over two hours (in no particular order):

    • Airport security for transvestite British citizens born in Yemen

    • How superheroes are just like transvestites

    • The futility of slidey poles in firehouses

    • The Doppler Effect

    • The Trojan War

    • Perseus and Medusa

    • Achilles

    • Flies

    • Fundamentalism

    • Abraham was the big grand daddy of the three major religions

    • Mary and the Angel

    • Riding horses

    • Neanderthals and Homo Sapiens: If Neanderthals had won game shows and Shakespeare would have sucked

    • The invention of fire

    • How inventing the wheel isn’t all that cool, it’s the guy who invented the axle we should all be talking about.

    • The ancient martial arts of sashimi and fookendo

    • The benefits of being a guy with boobs (they’re slimming…)

    And that’s just the stuff I can remember. There was more, lots more. If you have the chance to see him on this tour – do. Go, get tickets now. And remember, this is all true.

  • Super Monday Morning News

    Did you know there’s a Lawver Funeral Home? And it’s in Akron, Ohio. That’s a creepy way to start out Monday morning.

    In Super News, I’m hopefully going to see Eddie Izzard tonight at the Warner Theater, as long as Ticketmaster delivers our tickets in the mail today. Way to bring it right at the wire, you overcharging jackasses.

    Yes, I’ve been quiet. Yes, I’ve been downright silent. I’ve been vacationing! Max and I went to pick apples and a pumpkin on Saturday (pictures and details forthcoming). I’ve been playing with Drupal, and playing SSX3, which the jury’s still out on. I’ll give you my review later this week after I’ve spent a few more hours with it.

  • Philosophizing

    My pal Jon is a friggin’ genius. His series, The Philosophers, is a gem. The second frames of numbers 10 and 11 are pure gold. If you haven’t found Jon’s crazyness yet, go now. No, really, stop reading this depressing crap and go. I’ll be here when you get back.

  • Jon Morris Is Going to Have My Babies

    He really is, and all because he created a lovely little thing called The Philosophers.

    Oh, and Jon does the world’s greatest Sean Connery and Chewbacca impressions – well, other than the actual Chewbacca and Sean Connery.

  • Dropping the Pooch

    At least he just dropped the pooch… I swear this isn’t political, but the look on the little girl to the left of GW’s head iis priceless. If it weren’t for that girl’s frozen horror, it would look like GW was cheering on a complicated canine trick.

  • A Shout Out

    A big shout out to the whole Faggots Family. I swear they’re not kidding. You could also become a Faggot Fanatic!!

  • Dating Sherman

    There’s so much to say. I’m going to California next week! I get to spend four days in the Bay Area for work doing workly things. I’ll tell you all about them either right after they happen, or when I get back.

    Recently, I’ve been thinking about the time I lived in Mississippi, in our little WW2 POW-Built house at Number 7 Trinity Circle on the Vicksburg Army Corps of Engineers Station. The more I think about it, the weirder it seems. We lived at the top of the hill, overlooking a horribly polluted pond, surrounded by labs containing all kinds of experiments. Because we lived on the station, and Security was three hicks with walkie-talkies who rarely did rounds, we pretty much had the run of the place at night and on weekends. I never got caught doing anything, but my brother did once. I’ll let him tell the story if he wants. I really want to talk about dating.

    My dad up and moved us to Mississippi in February of my Junior year of High School. Needless to say, I was not happy. I had friends, girlfriends, a social life and Northern Virginia iis just a great place to live. Mississippi? I went from on of the highest ranked school system in the country to one of the worst – one that was desegregated in 1987. Yeah, that’s not a typo. I went to a high school that refused to have a prom because the races might mix. There are lots of stories, I could tell, but I want to tell you about the Sherman and the girl.

    I loved to impress dates by taking them to weird places on the station and trying to “make magic happen” (oh, I was a pathetic creature in high school, but I was earnest). We’d dance, talk, sometimes more. One night, after dinner and a movie, I took my date for the evening to the tank course. I parked the car next to the World War 2 vintage Sherman tank and cranked up the romantic tunes. We danced for a while, and then she noticed the tank. She kind of gasped and got so into the tank that she lost all interest in me. She climbed up in it in her nice dress and look at all the little moving parts. She was so excited. I, on the other hand, was pretty put out. But, that’s how it usually happened. I found all kinds of great places. There was the tank, there was a place near the wave labs where it sounded like you were at the beach. On of my favorites was the hyproponics labs, in these quaint little greenhouses that gurgled and steamed and smelled nice next to the causeway that was filled with singing frogs in the spring.

    I hated living in Mississippi at the time, but the farther I get away from it, the funnier it all seems. The anger fades, but the quirky goofiness of being a Yankee and Mormon in the deepest, darkest cranny of the Bible belt, living in a house built by German POWs on an Army Station filled with experiments and labs filled with science and weirdness shines through. I’ve got stories to last a lifetime, like teaching high school civics, creating a winter drama at the school that I starred in – and wore a dress in, the time I drove around town with the town’s first ever black mayor and asked him tough questions about Vicksburg, and all the stupid things my brother and I did to keep ourselves sane. I don’t ever want to go back, except maybe for some blues and barbecue, but I don’t really regret living there.

  • Mary Chen is Cooler Than Me

    Mary Chen is cool. She is cooler than you, cooler than me and probably anyone you know. I only met her once or twice while she worked here. A mutual friend tipped me off to her old blog, and I was hooked. She’s funny. She’s funnier than most. How do I know she’s cooler than you or me and funny to? She said, “Yo, I didn’t just stimulate the economy, i stuck a butt plug in it.” The prosecution rests, your honor.