It’s sick and wrong, I know. I can’t tell you how disgusted I am by the whole thing. When I first saw it, I knew the end was near. What am I talking about? You don’t know? Oh, you’re gonna crap yourself. They’ve made a new He-Man and the Masters of the Universe!! It’s wrong in so many ways. Back in the Eighties, before you were born, there was a cartoon. There was even a movie. There were action figures with nipples, and a green tiger with fuzz on him. It was horrible.
Now, He-Man’s a little leaner and has better hair, but it’s still the same old thing. You’d think people could do something cool like bring back the Shmoo’s. But no, it has to be muscle-bound platitude man, his green tiger and Skeletor. I blame professional wrestling.
Did you know that they keep making new Transformers cartoons too? This is what I get for my intermittent insomnia. If only I could plan my sleepless nights for times when Cartoon Network actually has good stuff on, like Saturday and Sunday. If you haven’t watched them yet, check out Mission Hill, Harvey Birdman and Sealab 2021. They’re all brilliant.
I’m gonna go drown in a vat of caffeine now and try to wake up.