Ultranormal

Author: Kevin Lawver

  • Crazier Days Documented

    I was on TV. It was a long time ago, but still, I was on TV. I had a show. It wasn’t my show; it was our show. Jim, Di, Kris, Brain, Brian and me (with recurring guest stars, like the gaysian). It was called TechX. Every Saturday night at 10pm, we took phone calls on Tucson’s excellent Public Access station, originally about tech support, but eventually about just about anything (we got bored with the tech support angle – it wasn’t as funny as the rest of the stuff we talked about). It was a blast.

    My role on the show was Otto the Head. I was originally supposed to be a robot, but that died really early on. I wrapped myself in a blue sheet, and was a disembodied (round) head for 50 minutes every week, cracking wise and trying to keep up with Jim and Brain. I loved it. I was young, stupid, and ready for anything (OK, I wasn’t ready for anything, but I was willing to try almost anything).

    I keep thinking of ways to get that back… the feeling of doing something completely unscripted and silly. I’d love to do another public access show, but there’s no one here I feel like doing a show with. Plus, public access is non-existant in Loudoun country (as far as I know). I was talking to a coworker today about the show, and I realized that I don’t have any crazy friends (they know what I mean, it’s good crazy). In Tucson, I was the straight man. All of my friends were crazier than me, did crazier things, lived a lot freer than I did. Now, I’m the crazy one. I don’t have crazy friends. I’m not sure I have many friends here at all… and the people I do consider my friends are all normal… really, really normal.

    Just as proof that, once upon a time, I was involved in something crazy, unexpected, spontaneous and alive, I give you: Hed’s Favorite (Real Player – sorry). It’s a clip from a reunion show we did, I think in 2000 at Christmas time. I was already sane… so it’s not as crazy as the shows I mentioned as my favorites: the Halloween show, and the show where some drunk chick thought I was hot. Those were the days…

    The clip is courtesy of Jim, who promises more. If he gets around to the Halloween show, I’ll definitely share it.

  • The Ha Ha Train

    Max gets to ask questions every night as part of his bedtime ritual. It’s fun, sometimes funny, and tonight was pretty rambunctious. Max also has three paintings on his wall, a plane, sailboat and a steam engine.

    Max likes to ask me how trains work. The usual answer goes something like, “Well, that big red part is the boiler. There’s a lot of water in there that is heated up by a coal fire. That turns a turbine, which turns the wheels, which makes the train go forward.” Yeah, that’s pretty much it. But, tonight, Max asked how the Ha-Ha Train works. This was a new one. Here’s my answer.

    The Ha-Ha Train runs on laughter. There’s no engine, just a car with comfortable chairs, cold drinks, and lots of popcorn and candy. There’s a comedian who stands at the front of the car telling jokes. When people laugh, the train goes. When they don’t, it stays still. When they’re laughing really hard, the train chugs along, “Chuckle, chuckle, HA HA. Chuckle, chuckle, HA HA,” down the tracks it goes.

    This answer was followed by tickling, which made Max go “Heeee heeee heee heee, heh heh heh heh,” and me go, “Chuckle chuckle, HA HA.”

  • Putnam Investments Commercial Music

    I love it when I can pick out the songs used in commercials. You know that new Putnam commercial with the picture frame flying around the office? The commercial’s fairly forgettable, but the music isn’t. It’s from Lemon Jelly‘s great In The Bath, which is on their peachy-keen Lemonjelly.ky.

    I have two of their albums, the one mentioned above, and Lost Horizons. I can’t recommend them highly enough. They’re loopy, happy, goofy fun. Definitely check them out.

  • Good Times, In A Bathroom

    SXSW was too much fun. It was so fun, we even had fun in a bathroom! How we got everyone in there, I’ll never know. I think I met and had at least a cursory conversation with all but two of the people in the picture. I was going to post my gigantic list of folks I met, but it’s been a couple weeks now, and, I don’t know, I just haven’t done it.

  • Welcome Back, P&T!

    The 2nd season of Penn & Teller’s show premiered this week! Thank goodness. I was starting to get cynical…

    Speaking of cynical, I’ve stopped checking some of the feeds in NetNewsWire. I won’t give you the list, but they’re all political, and I just can’t take it aymore. Just like during the war, I had to shut it down for a while. It’s just too much partisan stupidity, all at once, and all poisonous. I know they won’t miss me.

    Who? It doesn’t matter. I’m just tired of the bile, the partisan screwing of facts. It’s time for a break. I, again, have some time before I have to vote. It’s not even convention time yet… I can only imagine how ugly things will get.

  • Rejiggery

    Just because I still don’t feel well, but wanted to change something, I’ve redone the main page of the blog. The last couple days aside, I’ve been writing much longer posts than I used to, and the front page has been getting much larger than I would like. In an effort to make the page smaller, and allow me to post gigantic posts without any more guilt, there are only two full posts on the main page, followed by the ten most recent posts’ titles and short excerpts. I also removed the “recently” block from the menu on the right. Your comments are welcome…

    I also feel a redesign coming on. I’m not sure when I’ll have time or feel well enough to tackle it, but I am thinking about it.

    Have a good weekend, and don’t get sick like me. It sucks.

  • Sick, No Blogging

    Sick, sore throat, headache, body aches, sinus pain. Thanks a lot, Max.

  • A Little Shout Out to Composer

    Composer is usually pretty painful to work with, but I realized today that it’s my old laptop’s fault. Composer works like a charm on my swanky new G5 (oh yes, I did not tell you the story of the swanky new G5 – it will have to wait). Composer’s extremely responsive in redrawing tables and other clumsy elements when it has two, count ’em, two 2ghz G5’s to do the calculations. And no, I’m not using Composer to write anything that’s going to see the light of day. It’s a word processor replacement to update a requirements document (using a template I have to use). I hate rules.

  • Musical Mood Swings

    Be forewarned, today is “Kevin the tired, aggro, jaw-juttin’, angry white guy” day. I’m listening to Name of the Game, rockin’ out with my head bouncing and my lower jaw sticking out in the only dance us white guys know how to do.

    No, really, there’s no excuse for staying up late, getting up early, and coming into work before anyone else just to get some work done uninterrupted without that frickin’ guy saying “You’ve Got Mail” every minute, or thirty IMs hitting me at once asking me to drop everything and help them. Today, nothing is good enough. No one is up to par. You all suck and don’t know it, which makes you suck even more.

    Oh, crap, how did Clocks and Trouble get in my cock-out-rockin’ playlist? Augh!! Now I love everyone, and I’m sorry for all the insensitive things I said. I never meant to cause you trouble. I never meant to do you harm. Damn you, Coldplay!!

    This post brought to you by deadlines, work, documents I have to write using Word, people constantly walking past my door and looking at me, and the letter P

  • I Would Refute It, But It’s True

    Guess who’s number one on Google for “greatest pot roast“? Yup, me again. And unlike the last time, I’m not refuting this one. Not only is it true, it truly is the world’s greatest pot roast. Really, no kidding.

    The best part is that the recipe, with minor alterations, works for pork and chicken too. Just modify the bouillon used to marinate and baste. Oh, and if you don’t own a crockpot, you should.