Ultranormal

Author: Kevin Lawver

  • He’s a Convert!!

    My son is being brainwashed. He’s a member of the pint-sized Blue Army, and there isn’t much I can do about it. I am weak before its power. I have surrendered him to power greater than my own. He wears his almighty “Teve-schurt” all the time, and waits impatiently when it needs to be washed. He constantly chants his eternal question, “Boo? Boo?” until I relent and let him gaze upon the indoctrination of the sacred “clues” and mystical “paw prints”.

    Is Blue’s Clues a gateway drug into the world of harder television? Will he come in some day twitching his remote finger and asking for just another hit of the Fonz? I am powerless to stop it. Not because I can’t, but because I lack the will power to curb my own TV addiction (now powered by TiVo).

  • Anathema to Geek

    What is a geek’s polar opposite? Who makes it impossible to be perfectly geeky? Managers. They’re not all bad. They don’t all make geek lives miserable. But, there are some who seem to thrive on impossible and arbitrary deadlines, insisting that they know how to do something the “right” way even though they’re not the least bit technical, are enamored with constantly changing requirements, and will nitpick until what little hair you have left is laying in a pile on the floor after being yank from your head in frustration.

    Managers are a neccessary evil. They provide feedback, and the best of them provide a good shield between bureaucracy and the geek. The worst managers are fickle, uncommunicative and only out to improve their own chances for promotion while never offering praise in public (or private) for the members of their teams. To be a good manager, you’ve got to be able to switch gears between talking to your superiors and talking to the people who work for you. Being a good geek manager takes this to the extreme. You have to know businessSpeak to talk to your boss, but be able to remove all the bullshit when you talk to the geeks. Geeks despise bullshit. If you want to watch a geek explode, start talking about monetization, marketing or paradigms. It just doesn’t work. Geeks like facts and figures, hard requirements and pizza.

    Geeks also like food. If you feed a geek, he’ll be your’s for life. Ply your geeks with pizza, donuts and yes, alchohol (not me, though… Dr. Pepper). They’ll work their bony little butts off for you if you feed them.

    Geeks like toys. Make sure your geek can order new computers every year or so. Give them the tools they want/need to do their jobs. If they produce quality work, then reward them with new toys (like my shiny new G4). It keeps them happy, and gives them one less thing to whine about as you work them to death.

    Geeks do not like Ken dolls. Don’t be a glad-hander. Don’t say something if you know it won’t happen. Geeks have long memories and low self-esteem. They remember being slighted and hold grudges. If you’re not going to throw a happy hour, don’t say you will. If you don’t think you can get Herman Miller chairs for everyone, don’t say you can. Say you don’t think you can, but you’ll try. That’s all geeks want: honesty. For the most part, geeks will be honest with you. It’s part of the Geek Code of Honor… which I think is based on something from Star Trek.

  • Blogger Insider This round’s questions

    This round’s questions are from Derek at WebJunkiesPalace. Good questions…

    Ok so this is a little one sided, but I have to ask… why AOL? I mean I know that they are advertised as , but that seems by volume sales only(ribbing just a bit).

    That’s an excellent question, and I honestly don’t have an answer. If you’re new to computers, old, or have kids, then AOL’s a good choice. If you know what you’re doing, like the latest technology, know what sites you want to go to, and want to be able to do things like IRC without people laughing at you, then AOL’s not for you.

    Now that thats over… might I get some inside info as to just how bring your own ISP works… seems as many of our users (as well as those who might read this) have questions about this…?

    One of the big costs to AOL is upkeep and deals for all those access numbers. The BYOA plan was created as an incentive for people to connect over the internet to AOL instead of using a modem, hence the price drop (I’m not sure what it is now, but it used to be $9.95).

    What got you started in the software development arena?

    I used to work in tech support for AOL (you think your calls are bad…). At one point, AOL had a small business webhost called PrimeHost. I switched over to take those calls, and they gave me my own site with AOLserver and a sweet (at the time) Illustra db. That’s what started it. I saw what some of my friends were doing with their databases, and started asking lots of questions. I spent 6 months getting up to speed with the latest in HTML (this was ’97), then Tcl and SQL and had the time of my life. I built all kinds of horrible db applications and pages.

    What is your most favorite thing that you have discovered on the Internet?

    I realized that there’s something on the web for everyone. This is incredibly liberating for people living in rural areas, and can be so for everyone else. There’s content online related to pretty much every avenue of human interest. All you have to do is find it. The web is also becoming, more and more, a great place for support and community. Its amazing potential for bringing people together is the greatest thing I can think of at the moment.

    The photos of your son are adorable… What is the best ‘adventure’ young max has had this year?

    Well, this year’s only a month and change old, so for this year, it’s probably playing in the snow for the first time. He loved it.

    AOLserver… what exactly is its purpose? considering the banner on my site about AOL which I am sure is the one you got when visiting (or will after reading this), did you write AOL server (or portions thereof)?

    AOLserver is an open-source web server. It’s scalable, extendable, modular and kicks some serious ass. Most of the sites at AOL run it and handle insane amounts of traffic. It stacks up favorably to Apache, beats the crap out of IIS and is just a lot of fun to build stuff for. You can build some insanely complex applications without ever having to look under the hood, by using just Tcl. No, I didn’t write it, but I know the guys who work on it. I write a lot of stuff for AOLserver, and wouldn’t suggest using anything else (but, I’m partial).

    How long have you been into blogging? And do you insist on a blog entry daily?

    According to the archive, I’ve been blogging for about 18 months. I didn’t really get into it until the middle of last year when I started playing more with CSS and wanted to improve my writing. I decided to start sharing all the stuff wandering around in my head and try to communicate it in a way that made sense. It’s been a lot of fun. And no, I don’t insist on blogging every day, although I usually do.

    What do you feel the next hot language will be for the web?

    It’s not a language, but the hot topic I see on the horizon is the whole standards movement. As we start to phase out the old browsers (Netscape 4.x, I’m looking at you over there in the corner), people who build sites will be better able to divorce data from display, be able to build more complex and usable sites, and we’ll all be happy little web slaves. XML, CSS and XHTML will play big parts in the next couple years in making this possible. Personally, I can’t wait.

    I am guessing you rooted for the Pats in the superbowl, how did you feel about their game play?

    I didn’t really root for anyone. I loved watching the Rams during the regular season take people apart. Watching sheer domination is kind of fun. The Pats had a nice story and were the emotional favorite, and they played a great game. I don’t think Tom Brady’s numbers warranted the MVP. It should have gone to the whole New England defense who found the key to corralling the Rams offense.

    Who is your all time favorite sports hero?

    This one’s hard. Since I started watching football during the ’90-’91 season while I lived here during high school, I have to say Mark Rypien. He was quite and unassuming but ran that amazing offense with amazing skill. During their playoff game, against Deion Sanders and the Falcons, in the mud at RFK, Mark threw a pick to Deion. As Deion took off for the end zone, Mark, and all his 6’2″ and 250 pounds cut him off and slammed into him, creating a giant muddy heap as the two slid 5 yards out of bounds. It was amazing that after a mistake like that, he switched gears right away and took Sanders down.

    Is the glass half empty or half full?

    What color is the glass? Shape? Size? I’d say it’s half and half.

    Who is a better commedian, Letterman or Leno?

    Letterman in a landslide. Leno just bugs me. He’s annoying and a suck-up. His jokes aren’t funny, and his bits are lame. Letterman’s still got some zing and gives his guests a hard time when they deserve it.

    And one more question about AOL (trying to learn also) is it in any way possible for a subscriber of AOL to connect without using the AOL CD? It seems that the latest release is troublesome for some users… that and a plain ol browser is just good enough… (more ribbing).

    I’m assuming by “CD” you mean the software? You can get your mail on the web, and use AIM without the software. But, if you really want the whole “AOL Experience”, you need to software. I haven’t had any problems with 7.0 at home… Don’t worry about the ribbing. I have enough problems with the way AOL does stuff that it really doesn’t bother me when other people have problems with them. And by the way, aolsucks.com sucks. I mean, come on. Be original in your criticism. Have you even looked at your own site? Try a little design, people! No one’s going to take you seriously if your site looks like a 5th-grade class project from 1997.

  • Speaking of geekgasm…. If you’re

    Speaking of geekgasm…. If you’re using Mozilla or Netscape 6.x, you can now change how lawver.net looks. Go to View -> Use Stylesheet, and you should see the option “Deco” there. Choose and watch the purpleness!

  • Geekgasm

    Why do we geeks get so excited by technology? Why do we go into convulsions of joy when we build something that works? It’s art, baby. I’ve figured it out. Writing code is an artform. Writing good code (where good is defined by each individual geek, unfortunately) is the equivalent of Waterlilies by Van Gogh. It moves me. When something works, it’s like a gallery show of my work. I can tell my family and friends, “Look, see what I have built and the cool stuff it can do.” Even though most of them aren’t geeks, they can look and see that it works and doesn’t break when they click stuff. To them, it is good. To my geek friends, I can say, “Look at my tiny codebase that’s portable to other projects. Look at the thoughtful inside jokes I put in my useful comments. Gaze upon my stellar documentation. Marvel at my valid DOCTYPE and how well-tabbed everything is.”

    The best is when I build something that not only works and looks good, but performs. I can look at it and know that it’s handling several hundred requests a second and standing strong. Nothing’s more difficult or rewarding than building product for large-scale consumption. Almost anyone could eventually write something that will work on a small scale or in testing. It takes a special something to build it to withstand a pounding and stay up. The opposite is building something that I think is top-shelf and then have it come crashing to earth under load. It’s demoralizing. It’s tedious to go through hundreds of lines of code to find variables that might not be unset or data structures that aren’t freed. It takes time, which is usually in short supply. But, once it works again, all is well and triumph is sweet!!

    Thus ends another lesson. Be sure to hug your geek.

  • It’s pretty. It’s not a

    It’s pretty. It’s not a fancy blog, but there’s something very stylish and neat-o about it. Plus, anyone who uses a grainy AstroBoy pic is cool, right?

  • I just realized today that

    I just realized today that they haven’t had Indian food in the cafeteria since September 11th. How odd.

  • Being a Successful Geek

    Here are some tips on being a geek and actually getting paid for it:

    • Learn to be a ‘tweener. You should be able to do actual geeky things. The trick is to also learn how to communicate the uber-geeky concept to the non-geeky boss or co-worker. This will make you the indispensible translator and you will get promoted.

    • Work insane hours for your first year. It will give you the reputation of being a hard worker. After your reputation has been earned, you can start slacking again.

    • Learn to play UT. This shouldn’t be hard for the geeky, but it’s nice to have the skill. This will earn the respect of your co-workers if you can kick their asses. It’s also how we network here. “Oh, you’re MeatKevin? Yeah, you’re a mean killin’ machine. Wanna raise?”

    • Be the expert. Pick some part of your job and become the expert. Know more about it than anyone else in your group. This makes you valuable and you probably won’t get laid off.

    • Be Clean. For Gomer’s sake, bathe. Even if you follow all the other rules, if you’re not clean, no one will talk to you. You’ll be known as that weird dirty guy and being known for something unflattering is the expressway to Layoffville, my brother (or sister).

  • Green Snot

    Oh, look at all the pretty colors in that thing I just coughed up! I see green, a little pink, yellow. It’s like a Paul Klee that got left out in the rain. I hate winter. Yes, I know not long ago I was fantasizing about snow, but this winter has been mild so far. All of a sudden, winter came back yesterday after a week of tempertures in the sixties and seventies. Boom! Thirty-five, thirty mph wind and snow. Do you know what happens to people with allergies and asthma when there’s a sudden temperture change? We flip out. The body decides to rebel against the cold by battening down the hatches of my face with mucous. It’s a never-ending flood. My face fills up with sandbags against the cold. Like the extra insulation is really needed for the five minutes a day I’m actually outside. Damn you, body! Can’t you evolve into a nice housebody? One with a nice, regulated, amount of mucous? I don’t need strategic snot reserves. I really don’t.

    So, anyway, how are you?

  • Hellish Shellfish

    I’m feeling better. No more nausea, and just a little sleepy from staying up too late last night. This weekend was pretty good in spite of my bout with the shrimp. We rented movies for the first time in several months and had pretty good luck with all of them. If you’ve been visiting this site for a while, you’ll remember that I used to do my weekend movie wrapup, but since we got DirecTV and TiVo, we don’t rent movies very often. This weekend, no one was feeling well, so we broke down and made the trip to the video store. Here’s the wrap-up in chronological order:

    • Rockstar: I couldn’t sit through this movie. Marky Mark’s character was too much like Dirk Diggler from Boogie Nights. Earnest, naive and well, dim. The downfall was completely apparent and the only difference between his character in Boogie Nights and this movie was the cheesy ending (I came back in time to see the ending… stupid me). Jason Flemyng did have a nice little part as the closeted frontman though. It was a small part, but he really pulled it off.

    • Evolution: I wasn’t expecting this movie to be as funny as it was. If you liked the Sci-Fi comedies of the 80’s (Spaceballs, Darkstar, Ice Pirates), you’ll love this movie. The sci-fi element of the movie is actually kind of interesting, and well, that’s a shock. I figured it would be a vehicle for a bunch of booger jokes. The cast pulls off the comedy well without making it the focus of the movie. They balanced the “Hey, we’re people fighting aliens” with the “Look at me, I’m that guy from the 7-Up commercials being funny!”. Fun movie – and get the DVD. The deleted scenes are actually worth watching.

    • American Pie 2: I was surprised. I thought this one was funnier than the original. It’s no great film, but it is funny. Allyson Hannigan was especially good in a much larger part than in the previous flick. Speaking of, Jen’s been watching Buffy almost non-stop for the past few months (thank you, TiVo), and I’ve been impressed with Allyson’s chops. She’s got great comedy instincts while still keeping that innocent redhead vibe. And remember, you’re a special boy. The DVD is great. The outtakes and deleted scenes are worth watching, and the original casting tapes are funny just to see the casts initial impressions of the characters and compare it to the final product.

    I guess I should say something about the Super Bowl. We turned on the pre-game stuff at 6, because we thought kick-off was at 6:20. Oh no! We had to watch a bunch of old football players read the Declaration of Independance and then watch a bunch of other non-football patriotic shmaltz for 35 minutes. I can’t imagine anyone sitting through ALL of the pre-game. I was sick of it after five minutes. I’m patriotic, but I don’t need the Declaration of Independance read to me by guys who were probably reading it for the first time. I don’t need everything Hallmark-ized for me. It’s a football game. Once the game started, it was great. The Patriots shut down the Rams like no one has all year. It was amazing to watch. And what happened to the Rams defense? They turned into the crew from last year. It’s like they thought they already had the game won before they stepped on the field and by the time they really started trying in the fourth quarter, they had too far to go and not enough time to get there. Kurt Warner was hurt, and that’s excusable, but it looked like they just weren’t trying very hard. Great game though. Too bad it’s the last real game until next fall.