Nerd Jokes

I spent too much time yesterday at OMG Clothing perusing and rating t-shirt slogans. Then, I found the “Submit your slogan” button, and had to throw in some of my own.\
My favorites, which they didn’t accept (probably because of all the funny characters), were extremely nerdy. They were so nerdy that when I sent them to my nerd friends, they called me a nerd. They were so nerdy that only nerds who are nerdy about CSS would get them. So, for your nerding pleasure, I give you my first two CSS jokes:

<code>#me + #you { margin:0; }</code>

<code>#town { color:#f00; background:#f00; }</code>

Oh, but the nerdiness didn’t stop there! I also submitted some search nerd slogans:

  • Google told me you suck.
  • Your PageRank blows.\
    I know… I’m hopeless. I am now hopelessly nerdy. I don’t think there’s any going back. I used to be just geeky, and proud of it. I’m afraid I breached nerd a while ago and didn’t notice until it was too late. I apologize to my family and friends… I didn’t mean to be a nerd. It just kind of happened.

Ireland, Here I Come

I’m goin’ to Dublin! I’m goin’ to Dublin! I’m goin’ to Dublin! I’m goin’ to Dublin! I’m goin’ to Dublin! I’m goin’ to Dublin! I’m goin’ to Dublin! I’m goin’ to Dublin! I’m goin’ to Dublin! I’m goin’ to Dublin! I’m goin’ to Dublin!\
Did you hear? I’m goin’ to Dublin!

Brian Rolls Over, Doesn’t Know What To Do When He Gets There

Brian, Getting A Little Desperate

Brian likes to roll from his back to his stomach. Unfortunately, once he gets there, he has a little trouble reversing the operation. That’s where we come in. We lay on the floor and take his picture while he struggles against his own little body in a futile attempt to reverse his fate. Then, we laugh at him, pick him up, kiss him and feed him mushed up carrots.

Everybody Come Down

The Delgados’ Everybody Come Down makes me think of little kids running around, uncontrollable in their joy and energy. It builds tempo, has those great jangling guitars, and relentless beat. It reminds me of Max when he gets beaned up (or Tim).\
It also sounds a little like The Breeders Cannonball, but better and more fun.\
The rest of the album (Universal Audio) is great too. Very well put together pop rock, with some really punchy lyrics.

My Personal Superhero Theme Song

I helped out my pal Jon with a CSS/Javascript question this morning, and he penned this Superhero Theme Song for me. Why? I have no idea, but he did it, and I have to share it.\
Kevin’s Superhero Theme:\
Kev-i-i-i-n! Kevin Lawver!\
Hero to-o-o-o the common man!\
Mi-i-i-ighty! Mighty Lawver!\
helps out whene’er he can!\
With a HO! and a HEY! and a DEEDLE DOO DEE!\
It’s up and away he GO-O-O-O-OES!\
On a horse made of candy\
Through the desert of hope!\
Kevin Lawver, and h-i-i-i-is … fi-i-i-i-i-ine … hoo-o-o-o-o-oes! (whip crack!)\
KEVIN!\
— By Jon Morris

Yellow Pages on the Go

How cool is this? I found out this morning that AOL has an IM bot for Yellow Pages. So, next time I’m out of town and need to find a movie theater or restaurant, I can just send an IM from my Sidekick to AOLYellowPages and get what I need.\
I love IM bots for mobile stuff. Short messages, text interface, no waiting for images and pages to download that may or may not render on the Sidekick’s craptacular browser. I use ZolaOnAOL to get headlines, and play games while waiting in lines. I hear there’s a mythical bot for MapQuest too, but I haven’t found that one yet.\
AOLJournals will let you post to an AOL blog, but yeah… I know most people who read this don’t have one of those.\
Any other IM bots I should know about?

Interesting Developments

Big changes at work coming next week. I’ll be doing something different, playing a different role, and it will hopefully be big. Big is good.\
In other news, I got new pants. Not just any pants, smaller pants. I’ve dropped two pants sizes in the past year. My only new year’s resolution this year is to continue. My goal is to lose fifty pounds this year. That would bring my weight loss to a grand total of one hundred pounds. It won’t be easy, but I’ll get it done. It’s only a pound a week… small steps, small changes, gradual improvements.\
And it’s only January, and I already can’t wait for SXSW.

Klanko

My pal Jon is a genius (he says he’s retarded, so I guess that makes him a savant). His latest Klanko is amazing. It’s my favorite piece of his yet (and I loved the Klanko Discovers His Middle Finger so much, I bought the original artwork). Read it now, before Open Book makes you pay for it.

I Feel Professional

Wow, Anil went and mentioned my class on the Six Apart Professional Network. That’s like getting your cat on the cover of Cat Fancy or something.\
If you’re coming here from there, the class is for beginners, and covers basics like installation, editing and customizing templates, provides annotated copies of the default templates and goes over some useful/fun plugins. If you’re comfortable doing those things, then the class probably isn’t for you.

A Stunning Realization

So, I’m cleaning out my old e-mail, deleting everything older than a year, and I just realized that in 2004, I received and stored (which means it’s not counting spam) over 24,000 pieces of e-mail to my work address, and over 1,400 (not counting things that get moved to other folders like listservs, comments on my site, breaking news, etc) to my personal e-mail addresses.\
I have no way of knowing how much spam I got, but since my real-to-spam ratio on my personal address is about 1:4 (I have one address that just gets slammed) and on my AOL account, it’s probably 10:1, that’s almost 10,000 pieces of spam last year.\
So, more than 25,400 pieces of e-mail passed through my inbox. That’s about 70 a day. I’m sure there are people who get more e-mail than I do, but wow. That’s just crazy. I can guarantee that I read all of them, and more than half required me to either send a response or do something. I’m surprised I do anything else.\
If only I could figure out how many IM’s I got last year…