Ultranormal

Author: Kevin Lawver

  • Dreams Remembered

    I don’t remember my dreams very often. When I do, they’re usually the kind that wake me up with a start and cold sweat. Monday night, I had a good dream that woke me up, I think because of the sheer weirdness of it. I remember going to sleep thinking in French, which is really hard since I only took three years of it in high school and then spoiled any chance of speaking it well by following that up with a year of Spanish. I get verbs mixed up, and frequently throw in franpanglish when I can’t remember the word for shoes (in Spanish it’s zapatos, but for the life of me I can’t remember the French word). Towards the end of my classroom French, I started having French dreams where everyone spoke French and I had an amazing accent. I haven’t had a French dream in years.

    Then came Monday night. I was a New York tourist shop owner. I was standing behind the counter in my I ::heart:: NY t-shirt polishing snow globes with the Statue of Liberty in them when a Japanese couple walk in with a map and thirty cameras strapped to them, speaking rapidly and stabbing their fingers at a map. They looked at me and started speaking Japanese much more slowly, as if that would make me understand. I laughed and asked them if they spoke English. They shook their heads and I started wondering if I was ever going to be able to help these poor short people (in my dream either I was very tall or they were very short – yes, in my dreams, all the stereotypes are true. It’s not my fault, I swear). Then, I remembered, I speak French. So, I asked them if they spoke French (in French of course – even in my dreams, I’m not an idiot). Voila! They do!! So, I tried to remember if gauche was left or right and vice versa for adroit. We apparently figured it out with hand signals and waving. I hopped over the counter, grabbed the map, led them out the door, flipped my sign to closed, locked the door, pulled down the big metal gate over the windows and door and we were off. We spoke broken japecais and franglais and laughed at our mispronunciation and lack of vocabulary as we went all over town taking pictures and seeing the sites.

    I don’t remember the end of the dream: what happened to wake me up, or why I woke up. I was proud of helping those little tourists. I was proud that I remembered my language skills and put them to use for the good of mankind. I’m just amazed I remembered the dream. I never remember dreams. What does this mean?

    And yes, I still don’t feel well. Maybe it was a Robitussin dream…

  • It’s a NyQuil evening.

    It’s a NyQuil evening.

  • Things never download as fast

    Things never download as fast as I want them to.

  • For the geeky Mac folks

    For the geeky Mac folks out there, YellowDog Linux 2.2 is now available for download on their FTP site. Since I love this product, I would suggest you do what I do (because, of course, I know what’s best): Try it first, then buy it. They’re a great company to support, and everyone I’ve ever talked to there has been helpful and excited about what they’re doing. Give ’em some love (and cash, I’m sure they could live without the love if you give ’em some dough).

  • Get In Line

    I’m a nice guy. I really am. I like helping people. I like answering questions. But, I have my limits. Every day, many times a day, I get questions from people about various topics: AOLserver, Linux, Tcl, HTML, CSS, SQL, etc. People love to instant message me while I’m working on something with queries on these subjects, obviously without having done any research of their own. They haven’t checked out the documentation for whatever it is they’re looking for. They haven’t typed in man <insert command here> or even considered it. They ask first, research later. That bugs the living crap out of me. If you really want to earn your knowledge, you will do your digging. How do you think I learned it? For the most part, I didn’t have anyone to turn to and I found the answer myself (and this was in the days before Google, so it wasn’t always easy) or I did without. I broke things, sometimes irreparably, frequently. I had to reinstall Windows, MacOS and Linux more times than I can count because I did something stupid in the name of experimentation. It was fun because I knew I’d figure it out eventually, and if I didn’t, well, my original query sometimes became collateral to the other things I learned on the journey to its answer.

    I know some people just want answers and don’t want to earn them. If you’re one of those people, stop asking me questions. If you really want to know, you’ll prove it by looking somewhere other than your buddy list for me. You’ll hit the stacks and do some research before you ask me. Make me at least think you really want to know. And remember, I’m not trying to be a jerk, I’m succeeding. I went to jerk school and graduated at the top of my class: Sum Bigga Jerk.

  • Things that suck

    I was sick all weekend. It started with a scratch in the throat and an early morning on Saturday taking my sister to take the ACT. Then, a headache and general unwellness later in the afternoon and a four hour nap. Then, Sunday was a blur of cough drops and tissues. No nap, but plenty of headaches and drowsiness. Today I’m a little better, butt-dragging and drowsy. It’s not how I imagined feeling on the first day in my new job (which feels a lot like my old job since I’m still in my old pod).

    Watching the news when sick sucks. I watched Israeli and Palestinian spokesheads spout the same arguments over and over again, hour after hour. I watched The Real World for a long time because Jen wanted to catch up since we haven’t been watching this season. I know I’m over my Real World thing now. These kids’ lives don’t interest me any more. Their problems seem small and petty. They appear ignorant and like marshmallow peep versions of previous casts. Oooh, there’s the angry black guy, the cute gay boy, the jock, the bulemic, the lesbian. We’ve seen all this before. At least get us a new crop of socially relevant problem children to feel sorry for. How about a narcoleptic fish farmer from Washington state? Maybe a Native American peyote farmer cut out by the foreign peyote cartel? How about a vato from Tucson who loves his low-rider truck and is feircely Catholic even though he doesn’t know what that really means? How about a fat girl? How about an all-blog cast who sit in front of their computers commenting on life outside without actually doing anything interesting in the house (if I weren’t married, I would be a perfect candidate)? That show has lost all relevance to my life, and while that’s kind of sad, I’m glad I’m not in that post-adolescent, but still stupid stage. I’m a stupid adult now.

    Thankfully, there was Iron Chef to dull my pain. The first New York battle between Bobby Flay and Morimoto was a lot of fun, and the one afterwards with rice as the ingredient was really cool.

    Ok, I’m done. That was my sickly weekend. Hopefully the week will be better.

  • Tom Tomorrow, my Chevy Blazer

    Tom Tomorrow, my Chevy Blazer and I hate you. You make so much sense, yet, I am somehow driven to now drive more and more, driving over mountain roads, spinning out in wet parking lots and for some odd reason I want to drive into the ocean to show my car’s unique ability to navigate through wet sand and surf.

  • You can’t tell me what to do!

    Sure I can. You just don’t have to do what I say. That’s the wonderful about this country. I have the right to think you’re an idiot, and you have the right to be one.

  • Six Different Ways To Ask A Question

    Thanks to Charles from Six Different Ways for this round of Blogger Insider questions. Excellent job, and I hope he enjoys the questions I sent as much I enjoyed these.

    OK, since you’ve opened the Pandora’s box of political opinions already on your site: What do you think about what’s happening in Palestine and what should the US reaction be? (This may be moot by next week, but . . .)
    This one is difficult for me to answer. I don’t know all the history, but I doubt anything we do will fix the problems. We can’t isolate the Palistinians any more than they are. We can’t tell the Israelis not to try to do what they think they need to do to stop the suicide bombers and try to stop the violence without looking like hypocrites. We can’t say to Israel, “We need your help to stop terrorism against our country and you need to support whatever we want to do, but you can’t do what you think is right to protect your citizens.” Do I think Israel’s going about it the wrong way? Yes. Do I have an alternative that would work any better? No, I don’t. I don’t think we’re going to come up with one either. I think the situation is untenable and unresolvable by a third party. From where I sit, across the ocean and with no real perspective other than worried American citizen, I have no idea what our response should be, and that scares me.
    You praised the show Once and Again, and now I heard it’s being cancelled. That happens to things I like ALL the time. If I like a TV programme, it’s the kiss of death for it. Does that happen to you a lot?
    Thanks for breaking the news to me. I hadn’t heard that. It happens to me all the time. It’s made me very careful about which shows I invest my time in. I thought Once and Again would be one they’d stick with. It’s won Emmy’s and is just a quality show. Like Sports Night before it, the networks can’t seem to handle intelligent shows that don’t stoop to the lowest common denominator. I’ve been forced to run to HBO for intelligent shows like Six Feet Under. The networks keep crying and renting their clothes over the fact that they’re losing audience to cable and have been for years. The answer’s pretty simple. For the most part, network fare is formulaic crap. They’ve focus-grouped all creativity and originality out of shows, and it’s depressing. I don’t think it’s that interesting shows aren’t conceived or that the people creating shows for the networks aren’t talented. I think it’s mostly that the networks won’t take a risk on a show like The Sopranos (which was originally made as a pilot for Fox). Ok, I need to backtrack a little. There are some original shows on the networks, they’re just a rare exception to the rule. I think Greg the Bunny on Fox has potential. I still love The Simpsons and King of the Hill, but they cancelled Family Guy. They cancelled Sports Night and kept Two Guys and a Girl on for two more seasons. Ok, enough on this one. Next question!
    So your a dad – favourite thing about that?
    Watching him grow and develop. I remember when he was born, he looked like a tiny boxer who’d gone twelve rounds with a cement mixer. His poor little head was all smooshed and his eyes were swollen. Then, when he was a couple months old and we could leave him on a blanket on the floor and he’d be right there half and hour later, gurgling away. At eight or nine months when he started pulling himself up on stuff, we were amazed. After that, “mommy” and “daddy” and now he’s a little person who talks and has opinions about things. It’s amazing.
    I get NextDraft also. Do you get any other email newsletters you’d recommend?
    I subscribe to a couple listservs, but I haven’t had good luck with newsletters other than NextDraft. I’m open to suggestions though.
    Do you think there’s a real future for Mozilla?
    I do. It may not take off as a stand-alone browser in Windows, but I think it’s perfect for linux users, and even Mac users who get tired of Internet Explorer’s quirks on that platform (although, 5.1 for OS X is nice). I think its real future is in what AOL’s doing with it – embedding it in another application. It’s perfect for that, and I wouldn’t be surprised to see Gecko powering all kinds of things in the near future, from settop boxes to cell phones. It’s portable, open-source, relatively small (the rendering engine, not Mozilla the client) and not reliant on a specific operating system. Oh, and did I mention it’s standards-compliant? As AOL moves forward with embedding it in its client, I think you’ll see that alone impact the browser marketshare of IE greatly.
    If you have an extra $20 – and it had to be spent solely on something for YOU – what would you buy?
    One of the David Byrne albums I don’t have. I came around to him fairly recently, and I can’t get enough.
    Be honest: Oreos. Ultra-odd sugary substance first, or accept the sandwiched cookie as offered by the manufacturer?
    If ice-cold milk is available, then it’s dip and chew. If not, then it’s disassemble, eat sugary filling and then eat the cookie pieces. It’s like three desserts in one!
    What is one of your favourite books and movies and why?
    The last great book I read was The Code Book by Simon Singh. It provided not only a technical history of cryptography, but took me into the battle between code makers and code breakers. It’s a fascinating read, even if you’re not into cryptography, the history and Mr. Singh’s writing style make it one of the best nonfiction books I’ve ever read.
    Was your site design influenced by Zeldman, or is the orange and graphic style just a coincidence?
    Actually, it was the spaceman image that made me pick orange. I realized that the orange was really close to Zeldman’s so I changed it. Then, I realized I changed it TO Zeldman’s shade and promptly changed it back. It’s either one or two websafe colors off of Jeff’s. And now that you mention it, I’ve started playing with other background colors in Photoshop and have found some interesting possibilities. Check back later for a new look.
    People may knock AOL, but I’ve heard they’re great to work for. Would you agree?
    It’s challenging. There are some things I don’t like about it, but overall it is a great place to work. The scope of the projects I work on is insane, and that provides not only a lot of fun in building them, but a lot of pride when they go out the door and I can say it gets X million hits a day and made X millions of dollars last year. Now, if only I could get a profit-sharing deal on those projects, then it would be a great place to work.
    How did you all decide on the name Max?
    I’ve always loved Where the Wild Things Are, and the name Max. So, when we found out we were having a boy, we tried to come up with a bunch of different names, but kept coming back to Max. It definitely fits him.
    Where would you like to travel that you’ve never been?
    Any little seaside town on the Mediterranean with a beach, pleasant locals and good food. I was going to say the Cote d’Azur, but then I started thinking about Greece and well, why narrow it down when I don’t have to? I don’t even know why I want to go there. Everything I’ve seen or read about either place makes it sound very peaceful and relaxing, and I could do with some of both.
    Describe the moment you realized you were in love with your wife.
    About two weeks after we started dating, I went on a trip with some friends to Carlsbad Caverns that I had planned before I even asked Jen out for the first time. I had a great time, but everytime we did something cool, I remember wishing that Jen was there and thinking about her constantly.
    You’ve invited me over for dinner. Thanks! What are we having?
    Because you made me think about when Jen and I were dating before we got married, I’d have say I’d serve what I made her for our first date: creamy cajun chicken. It was my favorite dish at this place in Tucson called The Good Earth It was a nice creamy alfredo sauce with just enough cajun spice to make your mouth tingle without making your eyes water. It had bite-sized chunks of tender chicken and homemade whole wheat fettucini. Of course, I didn’t make the fettucini for our date, but it was still great. To go along with it, I’d have to try to recreate the chocolate cake my mom made for my birthday this year (without the coffee.. I think she used hot chocolate to replace it).
    They’re going to make a movie of your life. Who would play you?
    An excellent question, and I would say John Candy circa Stripes would be a good fit for the physical side of things. He’s about the right size and complextion (round and pale). If he could play slightly geeky with a touch of art snob he’d have me down pat.
    I’m thinking you probably don’t smoke or drink anything with caffeine. So, Do you have any mild addictions that you indulge?
    Well, as a slightly lapsed Mormon and a geek, I have a wicked caffeine addiction. I also have a mild addiction to swearing and watching R-rated movies. I don’t drink alchohol or smoke and have never taken illegal drugs, although there was that wicked contact high… I think, like most Christians who deny themselves some of the “normal” addictions, I’ve fallen into one of the worst – gluttony. I’m a big boy, and love my food. I’ve been trying to lose weight, but dammit if food isn’t the biggest monkey on my back.

  • And I thought showing only

    And I thought showing only two days of content on the frontpage would be a problem. I’m a content machine.