Ultranormal

Author: Kevin Lawver

  • Erratic

    I’ve been less than normal the past few weeks. My eating schedule is out of whack. My sleeping schedule is strange and incoherent. My bowels sit at the back of the class throwing spitballs in defiance of my authority over my body. I’m tired when I should be awake and awake when I should be sleeping. It’s Spring, when all the evil little flora that launch themselves out of the ground and spew their spunk into the air. I am allergic to flora spunk. It makes me miserable. It makes me want to move back to Arizona, where all the plants are Baptist and wouldn’t think about spewing in public where people might talk. My nose is full, my head is heavy and my eyes itch. Damn you, botany!!

    The other thing? The temperature and humidity levels keep changing. That plays havok with the same systems the damn plants like to torment. One day it’s 75 degrees with 30% humidity. The next, 40 degrees and 80. The next, 50 degrees and 20. It makes me ache and my face go into convulsions.

    I feel like one of those people I read about in books as a kid, whose poor health forced the family to pick up and move out west where the climate was gentler on their fragile constitution. Thankfully we have drugs now that make living out here in the land of mold, spores and plant spunk at least tolerable, but it sure takes some adjusting to in these first flora-hormone laden days of spring.

  • Urge

    Do you watch Once and Again? You should. Next to Six Feet Under, it’s the best show on TV. The characters are deep and played beautifully. Even the guest stars, tonight it’s Patrick Dempsey returning as Lily’s crazy brother, are fantastic. So, watch it. Reward quality with viewership, and stop supporting crap shows like Survivor. Please?

  • The Demise of an Online Presence

    I’ve been thinking a lot about Elise since she turned off her sites (opinebovine.com and elisetomek.com). I don’t know why she did. I didn’t get a special e-mail just for me explaining why she did. Why would I? I’m just a reader who sent her a couple e-mails telling her how much I enjoyed her sites and background images. It’s like she died. She’s just gone. No more blogging to share with everyone. No more funny wallpaper or Ask Lucy. There’s a void and ::poof:: she’s gone.

    I’m sure a lot of personal sites disappear every day. I’m not sure why her’s makes me think about the idea of the death of online lives. I think it’s because I still have Opine Bovine in my bookmarks and try to get to the site every week or so, hoping she changed her mind and decided to set up shop again. The first digital life I saw snuffed out was This Girl. Her’s was actually the first blog I ever visited, long before the word was invented. After a while, the new posts stopped and I stopped visiting. I’d check back every couple months in the hope she’d posted something new, but she never did.

    How does someone decide that it’s time to call it quits and ditch their sites that they’ve obviously put a lot of work and time into? Boredom? Privacy? They’ve discovered a new hobby? I’m not sure, and I’m not exactly sure why I’m writing this other than to say that it’s an odd mourning to experience.

  • I’ve been paired up with

    I’ve been paired up with Charles from Six Different Ways for this round of Blogger Insider. The last two times, I’ve been paired up with Bloggy Heavyweights. Now, I just have to come up with some questions. Any ideas? What would you ask yourself if you were being interviewed?

  • In the land of not-caring

    I used to love the Oscars. I used to watch the whole show and savor every award. I was an Oscar junkie. Now? We watched the first thirty minutes, Six Feet Under, then another half-hour of the show before going to bed. I was unimpressed. With all the class Steve Martin had last year, Whoopie was the complete opposite. She’s just not funny anymore. Time for new blood. I think they should get someone younger, like Jon Stewart, or hey, let’s go out on a limb and get Jack Black to host the Oscar. The opening musical number, that was lacking this year, would be really interesting if Tenacious D did it.

    I think I just don’t care that much anymore. I didn’t see most of the movies nominated. I’m so out of the loop. But hey, I think that’s OK. After Tom Cruise’s If we don’t go to see movies, the terrorists have already won speech, maybe I really don’t want to go support them. Anyone for Iron Chef?

  • It’s Official

    It’s been announced by everyone, and the date’s been set. I’m moving to my new department on April 8th, leaving behind only three projects. The rest are coming with me, which is what makes this so odd.

    First, I didn’t go looking for the job – it came to me. Second, I’m going to a department that I’ve worked with for almost three years and have almost become a part of twice. So, it doesn’t feel like much will change. The biggest change will be leaving behind the group I work with now. They’re a great group of guys, and I’ll miss them. But, I can’t stay just because I like them. I’ve done everything I could do in my current job and more.

    It’s time to find a new challenge, and getting involved in the nitty-gritty of search and trying to change the philosophy of the group I’m going to is a pretty big challenge. So, you know it now too. You’ll probably be hearing a lot more from me about why I love search applications, and I may even share some cool code with you (that’s not used at work… just something I wrote for fun). Keep yer eyes peeled for that, and of course, the FlatCat book.

  • My good friend and incredible

    My good friend and incredible illustrator, Jon Morris has come up with illustrations for FlatCat, the Colostomy Kitty. Now, I just have to write the book…

  • Too much thinking this morning,

    Too much thinking this morning, so it’s straight to the gutter: Do you know what’s worse than diarrhea? The ominous gurgling undertones of diarrhea. I mean, if you’re coming, loose stool, let’s get it on. But if you’re just going to rumble and not show up, then screw you, I don’t have time for it.

  • This one’s for you Simon

    One of my sister’s friends that we met at the ArsDigita Prize weekend last summer asked me yesterday to think about marriage and post something here. I’ve thought about marriage pretty much every day since I got married, over four years ago. That’s a relatively short amount of time, but in that time, I’ve learned a lot. Here’s what I know, or at least what I think I know. You may want to check with my wife to see if I really know this stuff (I’m so gonna get it when I get home):

    1. Marriage is a bigger adjustment than I thought it would be. I came into marriage with preconceived notions of what it meant to be a husband and what I thought my wife would do that I gained over the years by watching my mom and dad. My wife watched her parents and had her own ideas about roles and responsibilities. It took us quite a while to realize that we’re not the same as our parents and we have our own roles and responsibilities. For example, I assumed Jen would handle the money because my mom did (and Jen worked in an accounting office when we got married). Jen figured I would. Jen thought that, because her dad was handy and fixed stuff, that I could. Nope! I’m pretty un-handy, and that took some adjusting to. Some of this stuff we’re still figuring out.
    2. Marriage is a lot more fun than I thought it would be. Jen and I talked about this last night and she put it better than I ever could. She thought that we’d be like the Brady’s and read in bed and then peck each other on the cheek and go to sleep. That’s totally not what happened. We used to stay up late just talking, laughing, having pillow fights, etc. We talked for hours, just getting to know each other. We still talk when we should be going to sleep. I hope that never stops. I hope we’re in our nineties and just as I’m about to go to sleep, Jen rolls over and says something funny through her gums and I laugh until my one working kidney pops out and lands on the floor.
    3. I’m glad I married who I did. I don’t think I’ve talked about this on the site before, but I was engaged once before I met Jen. The girl was nice, but she came with a lot of baggage that, at 21, I wasn’t ready to deal with. Thankfully, I got out while I still could, before vows had been taken and any papers had been signed. When Jen came along, things were totally different, and this time, they were right. It was night and day, and I’m thankful every day for that painful decision over five years ago to call off my first engagement. So, the moral of this story? If it’s not right, don’t wait till you’ve got a ring and certificate to admit it to yourself. It will be harder to get out once you’re married than while you’re engaged or dating.
    4. I’m not sure exactly how to say this, but here goes. Dude, you’re young. You’re not so young that thinking about marriage isn’t crazy, but I wouldn’t rush into anything. Twitterpated is a great place to be. But, what I realized in my first engagement was that all these problems we had weren’t just going to magically disappear because we were married. In fact, they would be worse. Marriage isn’t a way to get someone to stay, or to fix problems in a relationship. It’s hard sometimes. At moments, you’re not real sure you want to be married. Thankfully for me, those times are usually split-seconds and don’t happen very often. But, we all have our days when we don’t want to be around anyone.
    5. Marriage is about a lot more than physical attraction. I like hanging out with my wife. We talk about things that have nothing to do with the fact that I have the hots for her. Sex is an important part of marriage, but it’s not the most important part. Mutual respect, support and friendship are much higher on the must-have list than nookie.
    6. I’m running out of things to say for the moment. Simon, if this doesn’t answer all your questions, please let me know. I wish I had had a married friend other than my parents to bounce this stuff off of when I was your age, and well, I live to solve other peoples’ problems.

  • David Byrne’s Look Into The

    David Byrne‘s Look Into The Eyeball is grrrrrrrrrrrr-eat. I got it from Jen’s parents and I can’t stop listening to it. Every song is perfectly layered. If I turn up the volume, there are small nuances that I didn’t hear before, and every listen exposes some new inflection or chord I didn’t hear before. Mr. Byrne, you are my hero.

    The Six Feet Under is very nice too, as is Bricolage, by Amon Tobin. I even got Lyle Lovett’s first album and a great little blue’s compilation. Hooray for music!