Ultranormal

Author: Kevin Lawver

  • Oscars Impressions (Cuz Everyone Else Is Doing It)

    I think the Academy should make a new rule: the music starts playing when the lawyers get thanked. Nothing good ever comes after the lawyers get thanked. Really. The same could be said about publicists. Nothing against either profession, but after an award winner’s gone through family, the director, co-stars, producer and studio it all starts to get sketchy and people stammer, trying to make sure they go through the litany of people who had some effect on their career. Send them flowers.\
    And is it just me, or is Chris Rock the best host the Oscars have ever had? He’s not overly reverential and says a lot of the stuff we’re all thinking. And Jamie Foxx? He wanted this so bad. You could see it on his face while Charlise Theron was reading the names. His speech was so much better than the one at the Golden Globes. The bit about his grandmother was great.\
    And wow, the show tonight is really moving. I skipped an hour to watch Carnivale (I mean, didn’t you?!), but it’s moving right along. We have what, two awards left?\
    Thank You and Goodnight!

  • Kickball, Baby

    KICK! 2005 – I am so in. Who’s with me?

  • Another Travel Tip I Should Have Known Already

    Alarm clocks in hotel rooms, when they exist at all, are evil and unreliable. They don’t work like a normal alarm clock. See it for four PM, and it will go off at four AM, or not at all.\
    So, my tip is – bring your own alarm clock. I wish I had…

  • Out Of The Mouth Of Max

    We were eating pizza tonight, and I was telling a story about my doctor. Max asked me why I went to the doctor, and I told him that my doctor was helping me lose weight. Max tilted his head to the side, pointed his little index finger up like a learned philosopher and said, matter of factly, “You know what they say, ‘Lose the fat for better sex.’”\
    At moments like these, what do you do? Jen lost it in gales of giggles. Brian followed suit because Jen was laughing. I sat there, dumbfounded, and asked Max where he’d seen that. Of course, it’s from the cover of a grocery checkout magazine.\
    It’s great having a kid who can read at a young age; but it creates its own unique challenges… and I need to lose some fat! Come on better sex!!

  • Go Now, Today, Cuz It’s Cool!!!

    Salon has gotten some of the Oscar-nominated shorts and can show them online today only!! Go, Now, Watch, Enjoy!!!! I just watched Gopher Broke and it’s awesome. Can’t wait to check out the other ones (while I’m not working, of course).

  • Breaking Through The Walls

    It snowed last night, which meant that I had to scrape the truck down before I could leave. After sitting in the car for a few minutes, waiting for the defroster to do its thing, I decided to pop open the laptop and see if I could get to the wireless network in the basement office. What do you know, it worked! What’s funny to me is that it took me two minutes to even think that my wireless network extended outside the four walls of my house. I think I knew that, because I used to leech off my neighbor’s wi-fi before we got our cable modem – but it was always me reaching out, not my network overflowing.\
    I know, I’m just dumb (and I was tired on top of that). But, it’s an interesting thought, nonetheless. It is to me anyway.\
    I’m off to Boston for a week of nerdy, standards goodness. I’m also going out to dinner with Betsy and her husband on Wednesday. Betsy was one of my favorite people at SXSW, even though we didn’t talk all that much. She’s a fellow search nerd (or was at the time) and we had a good time talking about blogging, searching and our respective Powerbooks. Also, I’ve never met a Nobel prize winner before. Should I curtsey?

  • Oh Cripes, I’m Scared

    I’m probably going to India next month. It’s not a place I’ve ever wanted to visit. Nothing against India, it’s just not in my travel plans (well, it wasn’t). After reading the journal of MR. TROY, I really am not looking forward to it.\
    I have an overarching philosophy when it comes to travel: only go places you can drink the water. This means that so far, I’ve been to Europe, Canada and Iceland outside the U.S. I’ve ventured into Mexico, and only drank Coke the whole time I was there (on all half-dozen trips). Yes, I’m a chicken… a chicken with gastrointestinal “issues”, and who doesn’t drink alcohol (you know, to kill the bad things).\
    So far, I’ve been told not to rent a car, only drink bottled water, stay at the Leela Palace, fly business class (duh, always fly business class when you’re going to have to try to sleep on the plane – and when someone else is paying), check out the business lounge in Frankfurt, don’t eat anything that’s been washed in the water, take any medicine you think you might need with you (anti-poop, pro-poop, decongestants, antihistamines, pain killers, cough drops, etc), be prepared for serious jet lag (oh, yummy), and don’t do dairy.\
    And I’ve only read one blog and talked to two people. Who else has been to Bangalore? What tips can you pass on so I don’t die/make an ass of myself?

  • Designery Problems

    This site, as you see it on 2/22 (happy birthday, dad!), is a mess of two or three half-done redesigns that I just never finished. I can’t stand it, but I don’t really have time to change it. I really want to redo it, but I keep setting my sites too large (I’m thinking CSS Zen Garden here).\
    Maybe I’ll have some time while I’m doing all this traveling to spend an evening or two working on a redesign. I don’t think the markup would need to change a whole lot, maybe just to change/remove the existing logo.\
    I was feeling a little blue, so I decided to go back to the Zen Garden to try to get inspired, and I started making a list of my favorite designs. This isn’t the exhaustive list, but it’s a start:

  • I’m Sorry For the Boogers

    Just to clear the air, I’m sorry. I really am. To everyone at work who’s had to listen to me sniffle, sneeze and blow my nose, I’m sorry. If I had known that every single decongestant known to man would fail miserably in the never-ending onslaught of mucous, I would have stayed home. If this cold weren’t the worst cold ever experienced by man, I would have stayed home.\
    I’m hoping that by Monday, I will have stemmed the viscous tide and can return to work without the hideous nasal ooze that’s haunted me all week. This cold has lingered for a week, and I’m sick of it. I’m starting to think this might be the worst allergy attack in history. Ok, I exaggerate. I’m not turning red, puffing up into a ball and breaking out in big blue spots… but my nose will not stop. I’m considering cork…

  • SXSW and Stickers

    One of the things I loved about SXSW was all the stickers. I came home with too many, and a lot of them were free. Granted, this is a little thing, but it was fun. I got one of Matt’s XFN Friendly stickers, one of Leia’s stickers, and a bunch more from the folks at Un-American Activities (those I paid for, and they made my I BUY LOCAL stickers).\
    To add to the fun this year, I’m bringing a bunch of my stickers to hand out. So, if you see me, be sure to ask for a sticker!