Category: funny

Yet another reason if I were a woman, I would so want Jon Morris: Pirate Wisdom.

Since I’m not feeling the Halloween Spirit this year, I’ll shuffle you off to folks who are, the amazing Jon Morris and his partner in slime, Manning L. Krull, for their awesome: Nine Comics of Halloween.

• 45 minutes in the car

• Three Metro trains

• 6 flights of stairs

• .5 mile walk

• 3 hours in line

• Seeing Jon Stewart’s hairy legs: Priceless

It was a trek getting there, and standing in line forever was a pain (in the feet to be precise). The show was very funny (much funnier live than on TV). Once we all got in the studio, one of the The Daily Show writers, J.R., came out to “warm us up”. We obviously needed it because we’d all been standing for three hours. He was actually really funny. He did the “hey, and where are YOU from?” bit and ragged on some audience members for a little while. Then, Jon came out and took questions. He was funny and seemed genuine, which is really his whole schtick now. He pulls off the “aww, shucks, I’m a normal guy” act so well, I’m not sure it’s an act. The show finally started (about an hour and fifteen minutes later than they planned). They did the opening of the show, then someone in the control room screwed up and we had to start over (so if you watch the rerun tonight, the first five minutes aren’t as enthusiastic – it’s because we’d heard those jokes already). During the down time during the screw-up and the commercial breaks (which they actually run tape through. They don’t pick up right away), Jon talked to the corespondants, who were standing in front of green screens on either side of the studio. He had a really funny exchange with Stephen Colbert. Then, the studio music started up (thumpy radio rock) and Stephen Colbert and Ed Helms did a nifty little bump and grind routine together while Moe Rocca (who went to high school with a friend of mine) did a weird “Ooh, look at me, I wear a bow tie and am from Georgetown” dance that involved a lot of kicking.

The guest was Senator John Edwards from North Carolina. He was as funny as you expect a real politician to be (as opposed to those rare exceptions like John McCain, Bob Dole and Barney Frank), and is obviously already running for President. Jen says he has her vote because “he’s dreamy”.

I think I’ll hold the other Daily Show stories until later. I’m still under water at work and don’t think I’m coming up for air anytime soon.

And as an added bonus, you can read Action Comics #1 online! Thank you, Internet!

I wish I’d had Alison’s Dad’s remodeling prayer when we did all that painting.

Yes, we went to the Daily Show taping last night. I’m working on my writeup now, and should post it soon. Work is still crazy with that thing I spent all weekend on, which I also may write about later.

I thought I was the only kid who found magazines in the woods. Surprise, surprise. I don’t know how those things get out there, but I guess it’s a porn scavenger hunt out there. I think it’s the Porn Bunny. The Porn Bunny smokes cigarillos, wears a green dealer’s visor and wears deck shoes on his enormous feet. He has gray fur and a bald spot between his ears that he tries to hide with an unconvincing combover.

It was my first exposure to nekkid ladies (nekkid = naked with intent). I’ve said too much already… You’ll never pry it out of me!!! I’ll take the secrets of the woods behind Alice Drive Elementary to my grave!

Ok, it wasn’t that bad, and probably not as scarring as walking in on my parents or anything. It was almost clinical. I was in fourth or fifth grade and just starting to notice girls as more than friends. Then, my friend (not sure who it was and I won’t guess as to only incriminate myself) told me about a secret stash of dirty pictures in the woods. So, we went on a quest. We found them, and after much giggling and ewwwwwww-ing, we put them back and never went back (well, I didn’t).

So, there you go: the beginning of the de-innocence-ification of Kevin. Next time, I’ll tell you about my first kiss and other embarrassing moments during puberty. Or not.

There are more things in the circus, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy. Clownspeare, what a concept. I see a big future in the Barnum and Bailey revival of Hamlet.

See, this is why I love Carol Lay. Her comic today is so perfect. There are times as a parent where you can’t laugh, even though you want to. It’s hard, near impossible for me. Kids do the funniest things when they’re angry.

Ok, they’re not really because I wouldn’t go so far as to actually make any, but we came up with a really great one tonight that I may submit to t-shirt hell (not for the faint of heart). I want a picture of Della Reese in boxing gloves with a nice cursivey font above the picture saying, Punched by an Angel. Yeah, it’ll sell a million!

Inspired by a comment about this post, I’ve decided that I have a new life’s passion. I’ve been searching for something for a while, and well, I’ve found something that fits my speed perfectly. What do I want to do? I want to become the world’s first fat, white Tai Chi Bad-Ass. I want to be able to slowly and methodically whoop anyone in the world. I’ll start out with the old and decrepit, then move to the folks who fall into the unfortunate category, “fatter than me”, and whoop on them with my fluid (molasses is a fluid) moves. Eventually, I’ll be able to beat anyone, or at least bore them to death.

Does Tai Chi have belts?

In honor me being four days late for Speak Like a Pirate Day, my pirate name is Mad Dog Rackham, and I love it.