Category: funny

My good friend and incredible illustrator, Jon Morris has come up with illustrations for FlatCat, the Colostomy Kitty. Now, I just have to write the book…

Too much thinking this morning, so it’s straight to the gutter: Do you know what’s worse than diarrhea? The ominous gurgling undertones of diarrhea. I mean, if you’re coming, loose stool, let’s get it on. But if you’re just going to rumble and not show up, then screw you, I don’t have time for it.

May your yin-yang hind-end twirl free. I couldn’t have said it better myself.

I have a new favorite last name: Krauthammer. How completely insensative and wrong can you be? It’s PERFECT!! Charles Krauthammer was on Meet the Press yesterday, and didn’t look very hammering to me. I wish Krauthammer was my last name. Maybe Chuck Gerbilhammer would be better… or Kevin Nailhammer would be better. Either way, Krauthammer’s a great name. Second child’s middle name, I think. Augustus Krauthammer Lawver – nice ring to it, eh sweetie?

I laughed, and laughed. Man, Steve Ballmer is nothing if not entertaining.

I am. And I’ve come up with a list of ways to tell if you are too.

1. Can you use your gut as a portable table?

2. You’d buy a sports car, but the thought of getting in and out of it deters you.

3. Lose twenty pounds and no one even notices.

4. You know what dunlap’s disease is.

5. Your belt is industrial grade, and not for decoration.

6. You’re six feet tall and have been turned away from a roller coaster.

7. You’ve ever said, “Bacon’s my middle name.”

Just a helpful hint to the folks in Intercourse, PA: You need a Cherry Festival.

I am hooked.

I used to work with this guy, I swear!