Ultranormal

  • The Woes of Meridia

    Meridia is the new diet pill I’m trying (per my doctor – no it-ner-web pharmacia for me). The side effects include, and I quote, “dry mouth, sleeplessness, irritability, stomach upset or constipation.” Check, check, check, aaaaaand check. But, I’ve lost seven pounds. I’m still not sure it’s worth it.

    Let’s talk about the sleeplessness. I keep waking up earlier and earlier, no matter how much sleep I think I need. This, of course, leads to the third side effect: irritability. I feel like I want to kick everyone at least once in the shins, and some multiple times in the head. This makes for an unpleasant working environment. In a job where the daily goal is not to get too wrapped up, starting out that way is not going to make for a successful day.

    Maybe if I took Meridia and Prozac together… or Meridia, Valium, and Ambien (that’s the sleeping pill, right)? Maybe if I quit my job, went to work at a garden store tending plants that never ask when I’m going to have that document ready, do this thing, or fix that problem (that wasn’t caused by me, or have anything to do with me). Nope, that won’t work either.

    I know, I’ll wear black t-shirts (check), sneer a lot and try to replace Simon Cowell on American Idol, or Henry Rollins. Oh, that’s good. I’ll be AOL’s own Henry Rollins. Someone needs a good yellin’ at, I’m your guy. I can “lose it” with the best of them. In fact, I did it yesterday. I may do it today! Watch out, world, I’m trying to lose weight!! Hide the kids and the old ladies!! GU-BLAH-GEEEEEEE-PPPHHHHH-BLAH-GRRRRRRRRR (I bite the head off a chicken… aaaaaand… scene)

  • Love is a Grocery List

    “Love begins as a sonnet, but it eventually turns in to a grocery list, Therefore you need someone with whom you can go to the supermarket.”
    \
    -Joel Achenbach (via bazima

    Our friends frequently tell Jen that we have a good marriage. I agree. Why? Because even at the grocery store, we’re having a good time. Not just that, but even a trip to the DMV is fun when we’re together.

    That fun translates to conflict resolution, making decisions and life in general. We get along. We’re in love (going on seven years, even). And all that said, we’re not stupid about it. We know we both have little niggling annoying traits. We ignore them for the most part, laugh about them, and then accept them.

    I can’t imagine doing this marriage thing with anyone else… Love you, sweetie.

  • Eating, Eating, Eating

    I’ve been listening to this playlist I created called Max’s Happy Music to try and cheer me up. I don’t know why, but the President’s press conference last night is eating at me. Lots of things are eating at me. You’d think I’d be losing more weight…

  • Saying “I’m Sorry”

    How can you be asked point blank by a journalist if you feel any personal responsibility for the 9/11 attacks and completely dodge the question? Answer the question, Mr. President We’ve heard everything you’ve said before, and it’s getting old. Your press conference was the same stammering excuses with no real answers.

    Mr. President, you were asked at least three times if you feel any responsibility, would offer any apology to the country for 9/11. You refused to do either, and changed the subject every time. You were asked what to name a mistake you’ve made since 9/11. You couldn’t even do that. How dare you. Janet Reno, Richard Clarke and even President Clinton have publicly taken their share of the responsibility for not stopping the attacks. None of them were on the case, or in charge on that day. Your National Security Advisor, and every member of your Administration has also refused. I’m sure it’s for your own political interests. If so, you are worse than callous. You were in charge. You have a plaque on your desk that says “the buck stops here.” You have done nothing but dodge the buck during your press conference, and during your term as President. You, our law enforcement agencies, our intelligence, and your Administration failed us. You are the leader (repeat leader) of our nation. If anyone owes us an apology, it’s you.

    I am tired of your Administration’s absolute refusal to take any responsibility for your actions. You are not a cowboy. You are not a CEO. You are the President of the United States of America, and you are in charge. Take responsibility for it.

  • The SXSW People

    There are forty-one people on this list. I met them all, and had at least one conversation with them. The conversation may have been short, silly or mundane, but it was a conversation. If I talked to you and your name isn’t on this list, well, I’m a jerk (my bad memory is a jerk anyway). Let me know, and I’ll add you.

  • Nice Googlehood

    My Googlehood is a whole lot more dignified than I remember it. I’ve got some pretty impressive neighbors now! What happened?

  • Crazier Days Documented

    I was on TV. It was a long time ago, but still, I was on TV. I had a show. It wasn’t my show; it was our show. Jim, Di, Kris, Brain, Brian and me (with recurring guest stars, like the gaysian). It was called TechX. Every Saturday night at 10pm, we took phone calls on Tucson’s excellent Public Access station, originally about tech support, but eventually about just about anything (we got bored with the tech support angle – it wasn’t as funny as the rest of the stuff we talked about). It was a blast.

    My role on the show was Otto the Head. I was originally supposed to be a robot, but that died really early on. I wrapped myself in a blue sheet, and was a disembodied (round) head for 50 minutes every week, cracking wise and trying to keep up with Jim and Brain. I loved it. I was young, stupid, and ready for anything (OK, I wasn’t ready for anything, but I was willing to try almost anything).

    I keep thinking of ways to get that back… the feeling of doing something completely unscripted and silly. I’d love to do another public access show, but there’s no one here I feel like doing a show with. Plus, public access is non-existant in Loudoun country (as far as I know). I was talking to a coworker today about the show, and I realized that I don’t have any crazy friends (they know what I mean, it’s good crazy). In Tucson, I was the straight man. All of my friends were crazier than me, did crazier things, lived a lot freer than I did. Now, I’m the crazy one. I don’t have crazy friends. I’m not sure I have many friends here at all… and the people I do consider my friends are all normal… really, really normal.

    Just as proof that, once upon a time, I was involved in something crazy, unexpected, spontaneous and alive, I give you: Hed’s Favorite (Real Player – sorry). It’s a clip from a reunion show we did, I think in 2000 at Christmas time. I was already sane… so it’s not as crazy as the shows I mentioned as my favorites: the Halloween show, and the show where some drunk chick thought I was hot. Those were the days…

    The clip is courtesy of Jim, who promises more. If he gets around to the Halloween show, I’ll definitely share it.

  • The Ha Ha Train

    Max gets to ask questions every night as part of his bedtime ritual. It’s fun, sometimes funny, and tonight was pretty rambunctious. Max also has three paintings on his wall, a plane, sailboat and a steam engine.

    Max likes to ask me how trains work. The usual answer goes something like, “Well, that big red part is the boiler. There’s a lot of water in there that is heated up by a coal fire. That turns a turbine, which turns the wheels, which makes the train go forward.” Yeah, that’s pretty much it. But, tonight, Max asked how the Ha-Ha Train works. This was a new one. Here’s my answer.

    The Ha-Ha Train runs on laughter. There’s no engine, just a car with comfortable chairs, cold drinks, and lots of popcorn and candy. There’s a comedian who stands at the front of the car telling jokes. When people laugh, the train goes. When they don’t, it stays still. When they’re laughing really hard, the train chugs along, “Chuckle, chuckle, HA HA. Chuckle, chuckle, HA HA,” down the tracks it goes.

    This answer was followed by tickling, which made Max go “Heeee heeee heee heee, heh heh heh heh,” and me go, “Chuckle chuckle, HA HA.”

  • Putnam Investments Commercial Music

    I love it when I can pick out the songs used in commercials. You know that new Putnam commercial with the picture frame flying around the office? The commercial’s fairly forgettable, but the music isn’t. It’s from Lemon Jelly‘s great In The Bath, which is on their peachy-keen Lemonjelly.ky.

    I have two of their albums, the one mentioned above, and Lost Horizons. I can’t recommend them highly enough. They’re loopy, happy, goofy fun. Definitely check them out.

  • Good Times, In A Bathroom

    SXSW was too much fun. It was so fun, we even had fun in a bathroom! How we got everyone in there, I’ll never know. I think I met and had at least a cursory conversation with all but two of the people in the picture. I was going to post my gigantic list of folks I met, but it’s been a couple weeks now, and, I don’t know, I just haven’t done it.