Ultranormal

Author: Kevin Lawver

  • Wow, Your Butt Looks Like It Hurts Today

    Oh my aching ass. I got a new workout from Madam Trainer yesterday. I worked muscles I don’t think existed before yesterday. Today, I’m in pain. I walk like a duck. I grimace every time I take a step. I didn’t sleep well last night because every time I moved in my sleep, I was jerked into wakefulness by my aching ass, hips and legs.

    Why am I doing this to myself? Well, I don’t want to die, first of all. I don’t want to be fat my whole life, and I’d like to be able to coach Max’s tee-ball team in a couple years without having to catch my breath after every pitch. Yeah, that’s it. But why does it have to hurt so much?

    Ass, I command thee to stop hurting!! Thighs, stop being like that! You’re fine, now just stop screaming at me. I took some Exedrin, now shut up and let it work.

  • Oh, ThinkGeek, Stop Tempting Me!!

    I neeeed this t-shirt. I need it worse than their coding ninja monkeys one. No really, I’m not kidding. I’m sitting here looking at it trying not to click Add to Cart.

    UPDATE: I am weak. The shirt has been ordered and is wending its way down the toll road to me (ThinkGeek’s right down the road from us). Shame on me… uncontrollable urges….

  • And The Winner Is…

    I haven’t received anymore nominations, and the non-winners have been notified (they’re not losers because their blogs weren’t ugly or “default template-y” enough to warrant awarding the prize to – get it?). Now, I know you’re all wondering who the big winner is… Is the suspense killing you? I know it’s killing me, so here you go:

    Both Marty and Michelle win!! I only got three entrants. Alisha’s blog is definitely not ugly, so she doesn’t qualify. Both Michelle and Marty’s blogs are both using default MT templates and well, they need help. Not because they’re ugly – but because they’re default, and that’s sad to me. Michelle’s will be done first because she entered first, but they’ll both be getting e-mail from me shortly asking them all sorts of personal designery questions so I can get started. Congratulations to you both! Prepare to get un-default-ified!!!

  • Bush Wins

    Unbelievable. So, they just get away with it? It’s a completely brazen act of cronyism and political paybacks, and they’re just going to get away with it. I don’t believe it. I am physically ill…

  • Music Heaven

    Everyone (well, all the Mac users anyway) at work has now discovered music sharing in iTunes, and sent their addresses to our little OS X user’s mailing list. I am in heaven, and I’m in heaven legally, which is really cool too. I’ve heard The Replacements and Wilco for the first time, and found a bunch of golden oldies from the nineties that are just making me happy.

    Why does the sharing in iTunes work and the other methods (peer-to-peer, Napster, etc) don’t? I can’t burn a CD from my pals’ collections. I can hear them and whet my appetite, but I can’t take their music with me. Now, I’m going to go add some stuff to my Amazon wishlist and will eventually buy it. Everyone’s happy. I get to hear new music I wouldn’t hear otherwise (damn you, commercial, sold-out, bubble gum corporate radio!!), the artists get their check, and the whiny jerks at the RIAA can shut up.

    It’s the same with internet radio. I’m not going to spend the time to record a stream anymore than I would to record a radio show. That is so sixth grade. I listen to NetMusique all day long at work (thank you, network from Heaven!) and have added several things to my wishlist because of it.

    The recording industry should be jumping for joy at ‘net radio. I’m surprised they’re not. It gives artists in their catalog who don’t get exposure through traditional radio the opportunity to be heard and for people to go buy their music. It’s a win-win.

    I’m a little disappointed that I can’t bookmark shared music, especially folks who have static IP’s, but I can live with that. And all this on six hours of sleep and no caffeine… and remember kids, the winner will be announced tonight.

  • Spirited Away – It’s All In The Title

    Since Senor Eagle asked, here’s how I interpret Spirited Away:

    • A little girl and her parents stop on their way to their new house to explore a tunnel they find at a mysterious deadend. They come out of the tunnel to a deserted city block. The dad follows his nose to a beautiful buffet of food. The parents commence pigging out (pay attention, that’s important). The little girl wanders off, and find a mysterious looking bathhouse.

    • The girl (I can’t remember her name for the life of me), meets a young boy who tells her to hurry back to her parents and leave before all the lamps come on and it gets dark outside.

    • She races back to the restaurant only to find that her parents have been turned into pigs.

    • Somehow, and I don’t remember quite how, she ends up working in the bathhouse as a way to survive and find a way to turn her parents back into themselves.

    • That’s all I’m going to tell you about the “facts” of the story. It’s a movie you have to feel more than watch. You can watch it for just the gorgeous animation, which is well worth watching, or you can get into it, suspend your preconceived notions of what a movie should be, and have a great time experiencing this world of spirits (get it, Spirited Away?).

    • If you want everything in a movie to make sense and a neatly tied up and spelled out ending – skip this movie. Don’t even bother. You’ll hate it.

    • If you’re willing to play along and suspend your disbelief (and by suspend, I mean put it way up on a shelf and deny any temptation to bring it back out), you’ll love this movie.

    Oh, and don’t forget to nominate yourself for the ugly blog redesign. No, I mean it. If you use the MT Default Templates, you qualify. Not because your site is ugly. The MT Templates are servicable, but they’re so… vanilla. Live a little and get crazy. I’ll help.

  • Weekend Entertainment Roundup

    Here’s another weekend entertainment roundup:

    • X2: X-Men United: Wow. I have to admit that I Nightcrawler was my favorite character as a kid. Alan Cumming was the perfect choice, and I thought he pulled off the character perfectly. The story was a lot of fun, and the little fanboy in-jokes were great. I was in fanboy heaven and can’t wait for the third one. Letting Logan go crazy on the soldiers at the beginning was a brave choice for a PG-13 movie, and they pulled it up well – not too gory, but you knew the wounds were fatal. A great movie for anyone who ever read superhero comics, and not bad if you didn’t (Jen liked it too).

    • Spirited Away: The movie aside, this is the best English translation of the Japanese movie I’ve ever seen. It didn’t feel dubbed like most do, and the voice acting was top-notch. Now, the movie is weird. It’s really weird. But, unlike the other Miyazaki movies I’ve tried to watch (My Neighbor Totoro most recently), I loved this movie. The visuals were so beautiful, and the characters so fun, I was transported to a wonderful place. The story just washes over you and it’s hard to think like an adult while it’s going on. If you can turn off the grown-up part of the brain, this is a perfect movie.

    I’ll get back to the political stuff next week. Really, I will. Also, don’t forget to nominate yourself and your friends for the ugly blog redesign contest.

  • Beware Redesignitis

    Yes, it’s back. I have a horrible case of redesignitis, and this site will probably be the unwilling victim. In the past week, I’ve been tempted no fewer than five times to offer to redesign blogs for people. Why? I have no idea. I need the pain of wrangling more CSS, I guess. I didn’t get enough wrangling miles and miles of it for work this week. What’s wrong with me?

    Maybe I’ll start a charity… Redesigns For Ugly Sites. Maybe it should be: Redesigns For Sites Who Still Use MT’s Default Templates. Yes, I know the templates are fine and it’s the content that counts, but I’m not in a particularly sensative mood – so, come on people!! At least try to make your site look different/special. And adding that little gif that has the girl and the weather on it doesn’t count.

    So, here’s the deal. I’m feeling weird and generous. Post a link to your ugly blog in the comments, and I’ll pick the ugliest one to redesign. Of course, you don’t have to use the new design. You also aren’t allowed to whine about it either. You get what you get. It’ll be fine and work and be reasonably standards compliant. No, it will not support Netscape 4.x or any other ancient piece of browser trash you have laying around your computer. It will work well in modern version of IE, Mozilla, Safari and any browser based on one of the above.

    Oh, and it may not be fast. I may take a month to redesign the winning abomination. And you may get some unexpected features and could end up being a guinea pig for some new weirdness I want to try. Oh, and no stupid weathergirls! Is that enough rules?

    UPDATE: I’ll be making my decision tomorrow (5/7) and posting the winner tomorrow night. May the ugliest / most default templatey blog win!

  • Losing It

    I couldn’t stand it, so I grabbed two guys I work with and headed to the cafeteria for some lovin’ in the form of frozen yogurt and peanut butter cookies. The three amigos too the elevator, walked three-wide through the corridor, switched to single file up the stairs and then back to three-wide – daring folks in khaki and Egyptian cotton to mess with us on our mission to seek semi-frozen solace in a polystyrene embrace.

    I got double chocolate and new york cheesecake in a manly swirl, doused in in chocolate syrup, caramel and oreo bits and then walked truculantly up to the line. Oh yeah, I waited patiently for my turn to weight my confection and profer my money to the short Latin lady older enough to be my mom. I then grabbed a spoon. I would have grabbed more, the The Man was watching. Then, my two partners in snacking crime headed back to our pofficles (pod + office + cubicle) to enjoy our treats.

    Then, I fumed. And then I got some water and popped a cough drop. Now, I’m listening to Groove Armada while I work on even more stuff (except right this minute, because I’m writing this). There is one e-mail kept as new in my box, and I will do nothing with it until tomorrow, I swear on all that is obtainable out of a metal bin at Target for ninety-nine cents. I am going to leave soon, proudly waving like the Queen without her tiara or pillbox hat as I exit the building, go down the stairs into the bowels of the basement to my chariot and depart.

    Before I leave, I just wanted to tell you I’m tired and I’m cranky and I don’t want to work out today. But, I like you. Really, I do. Just not in that way.

  • Failing Gravity

    Jon Morris strikes again. The story is great, and Jon’s wonderful art complements it perfectly. My pal Jon, that kid’s got talent (and knack for swearing in new and creative ways). Go check it out, and don’t forget to tie yourself down.